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OTD: Teen Titans Go! Waffles

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(A large man with a thin mustache walked over to his closet. He pulled on a Kingdom Hearts shirt before walking out, smirking.
OUTTA THE DVD!
A serious face, a subtle face- You show a lot of-)

RECORD SCRATCH

(BETRAYAL
BE-TRAYAL!
BETRAYED ME!
BETRAYAL!
BE-TRAYAL!
OH, SCRAP YOU, CN, YOU KILLED THE TITANS!
SCRAP YOU!
BETRAYAL!
BE-TRAYAL!
BETRAYED ME!
BETRAYAL!
BE-TRAYAL!
BETRAYED ME!
THIS SHOW SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!</b>
Written by Tohokari-Steel)

Steel sighed in irritation before looking up, “Once upon a time, there was a show called Teen Titans. Along with Spider-Man, this was the thing that helped shape my view on superheroes. I only saw most of the first two seasons, but they had comedy, drama, memorable characters, and some really memorable stories. So, I went into a bit of a funk when I heard that it ended, in the words of T.S. Elliot, not with a bang, but with a whimper.”

“That was heightened when I heard that a new show based on it would be made.” Steel said. He paused for a bit, taking a deep breath before saying, “And then I became very, VERY angry. The show in question is so bad that I have to shout ‘betrayal’ every time I hear it. It got NOTHING right. It was awful. It was petty. It resorted to using the lowest common denominator in terms of comedy. And it came at the expense of two very good shows based on DC comics.”

“But...let’s get this over with.” Steel said, “Let’s look into an episode of...Teen Titans Go!. BETRAYAL!

“There are a LOT of episodes to choose from, all of them awful, but I’m going with the one that seems to sum up everything wrong with this show.” Steel said, “Today, I review the Teen Titans Go! (BETRAYAL) episode simply titled...Waffles.”

“First, a few KIND words.” Steel said, “They got the original cast back for their roles. I have to admit, that’s actually pretty nice. Scott Menville as Robin, Hynden Walch as Starfire, Greg Cipes as Beast Boy, Khary Payton as Cyborg, and Tara Strong as Raven. It’s a welcome bit of nostalgia and shows that SOME thought went into casting...”</i></i></b></b>

“But there’s a problem--the characters are NOTHING like the ones they once were.” Steel said, “Robin used to be a mostly cool-headed and competent leader, but is now a bit f a clutz. Starfire was an endearingly naive alien who was a kind, sisterly character, but is now the cliched girly ditz. Beast Boy was once the energetic, youngest member who got a few laughs here and there, but is now Butthead 1. Cyborg was once the intelligent, yet comical muscle of the group, but is now Butthead 2. Raven used to be the emotionally withdrawn, yet incredibly complex empath, but is now a bland character who constantly wears a cape and is a closeted pegasister...though, for the last one, I DO give credit for actor allusion.”

“But maybe that was a studio thing.” Steel said, “I mean, the creative team MUST have had some familiarity with the franchise, right? I mean, who would be STUPID enough to hire people who never watched-”

Creators openly admitted to only watching TWO episodes of the original series.

</p>

“This is why we can’t have nice things, Cartoon Network.” Steel stated, unimpressed, “And I haven’t GOTTEN to the episode yet.”

“First, the theme song.” Steel said.

“It is LAZY. It’s a remix of the original intro (or the Hamster Intro as I call it) with a bit of a techno remix involved. It SUCKS. MOVING ON.”

“Onto the episode itself, it literally starts out like this.” Steel said, “Though I DO think that the newspaper having the phrases ‘Batmobile lost a wheel’ and ‘Joker got away’ was kinda clever. But, once again, I’m not shaving anything down here. This is how the episode starts.”

(Robin is reading a newspaper.)

(Cyborg: Waffles!)

(Cyborg and Beast Boy walk over.)

(Beast Boy: Waffles!)

(Robin: ...Excuse me?)

(Beast Boy: Waffles!)

(Robin: Waffles?)

(Cyborg: Waffles!)

“Yep, in less than a minute, they said the word ‘Waffles’ five times.” Steel said, “Most of the lines from Beast Boy and Cyborg is the word ‘Waffles’ repeated ad nauseam. To rip-off the much better critic, Mysterious Mr. Enter, this episode is ELEVEN minutes long. They use the word ‘waffles’ 188 times. Doing the math, this means you hear the word ‘waffles’ once every four seconds. THIS is the kind of humor they resort to, people.”

“Look, some words are inherently funny. Like ‘balloon’, ‘snickerdoodle’, ‘spondee’, ‘shrimp’, ‘cabbage’, ‘monkey’, ‘underpants’, or ‘snapdragon’. But you can’t use funny-sounding words to carry an eleven-minute episode BY ITSELF. If it was, I’d make a journal entry where I just said ‘sarcastic fringehead’ a thousand times."

“Now, I bet you’re wondering what the in-universe explanation for this phenomenon is.” Steel said, “We all know what the REAL explanation is--using it in the hopes that it MIGHT get a laugh out of some pre-teens.”

(Robin: Wait...what?)

(Raven: Obviously, they’re playing some idiotic game to see who can go the longest saying only “waffles”.)

(Beast Boy: Waffles!)

“Yep.” Steel said, “It’s all just some stupid game that they don’t break until the ending...by the way, Cyborg was my favorite character of the team and Beast Boy was Ray’s. So, seeing a portrayal like THIS feels like someone’s just giving us...well, THIS.”



“A few seconds devoted to Starfire wondering how someone says ‘waffles’ incorrectly and we get one of those rare instances where the writer realizes what he or she is doing is stupid only to submerge themselves in it once more.”

(Robin: Okay, guys, saying “waffles” over and over isn’t funny. It’s annoying. Please stop.)

“And what is the response of Cyborg after getting this request that shows Robin really finds this irritating?” Steel asked.

(Cyborg: *takes a deep breath* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFLESSSSSSSSSSS...)

“Once again, Cyborg was my favorite on the show.” Steel stated.

“And, with that, Robin pulls out a grappling gun and tries to shoot the two.” Steel said, “I WOULD comment on how out-of-character THIS part is, but honestly, I don’t blame him. Unfortunately, it’s stopped by Starfire.”

(Starfire: What Robin is TRYING to say is that we are having trouble understanding the point of your waffles game. Perhaps you can explain its appeal?)

“No, DON’T explain its appeal!” Steel shouted, sounding terrified, “For the love of God, Buddha, Brahma, Zeus, Ra, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or all other deities out there! DO NOT ASK THEM TO-”

YOUNG JUSTICE AND GREEN LANTERN WERE CANCELLED FOR THIS...</span>

“No, no, don’t leave it at that. I want people to KNOW what that really means.” Steel said, “Young Justice was a show with an intriguing and well-written plot with good characters and...well, amazing character designs. Green Lantern was a very unique show that showed how much the mythology of the character had to offer the DC Universe outside of that awful movie. But Cartoon Network, in their infinite wisdom, DUMPED both shows after its second and first season respectfully and just gave us THIS. A show where one episode consists of two characters saying ‘waffles’ over and over again! THERE IS NO HOPE LEFT IN THE WEST, PEOPLE. If Cartoon Network is boneheaded enough to dump two great shows for this shallow crap, it shows how little they care about quality! Migrate to anime, folks! I hear Kill la Kill’s getting more episodes. At least THAT show’s actually entertaining!”

(Raven: Wow. INCREDIBLY annoying. Let’s change the subject. QUICK.)

“Hey, THAT was a well-founded argument and-oh, you were talking about THEM. Never mind.” Steel said.

“So, Robin offers to make breakfast and, at the request of Beast Boy and Cyborg, makes eggs benedict.” Steel said. He then sighed before saying, “He makes waffles. With a step-by-step method on how to make this sort of thing. With oddly porn-esque music going on in the background. Y’know, scenes like this gives you time to do other things. Talk with friends...read a book...decide to watch a different show...”

“Of COURSE they didn’t actually ask for waffles. And they act all indignant when Robin misunderstood.” Steel said, “Because Beast Boy and Cyborg are post-movie Patrick in this show. What Cyborg wanted instead? A sub sandwich...WHO EATS THAT FOR BREAKFAST?!”

(Robin: *peels a waffle off his face with a sigh* It’s going to be a LONG day...)

“Hey, that’s exactly what I said when I decided to review this!” Steel said.

(Beast Boy: Waffles.)

(Robin points his grappling gun at Beast Boy with a growl.)

“Shoot him. Shoot him in the face.” Steel ordered.

“We then cut to ‘A Little Waffle Later’...” Steel paused before saying, “I’m sorry. I need to throw someone. XEM!”

Steel reached over and grabbed Xem before hurling him, screaming, into the nearest wall. The anthro-tiger slammed into it and slid onto his back, where he just had a dazed look.

“Where am I...?” he asked.

“The Titans pick up an SOS signal from the other side of town and run to investigate. However, since Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber can’t be understood, they leave them there.” Steel continued, “Robin, Starfire, and Raven go to a warehouse and don’t find anyone.”

“Now, I bet you’re wondering what I think of the animation.” Steel said, “To me, it is, without a doubt in my mind...the most ‘meh’ artwork I’ve ever seen. Yeah, DJ made a pretty solid case about why it’s bad. But to me, it’s just...so-so. Not great, but it’s a comedy show, so I can kinda see why they went with this. Definitely a better fit than Ultimate Spider-Man’s animation.”

“Back on track, they discover their evil villain for the episode-BENDER RODRIGUEZ!”



"Kidding, it’s Brother Blood...who happens to be voiced by John DiMaggio, so the joke works.” Steel said before shouting, “LEAVE ME ALONE!”

(Robin: Brother Blood!)

(Starfire: The fiendish headmaster of the HIVE Academy!)

(Raven: Creepy guy who stands under dramatic lighting.)

“This sequence!” Steel snarled.

“Spewing exposition that nobody knows or cares about!” Bindi added.

“Just an excuse to try and throw in a little more Raven snark.” Akia concluded.

“So, Brother Blood’s plan was to trap the Titans and, due to their many encounters, has a back-up for every one of their strategies.” Steel said, “I’d question why it’s Brother Blood and not Slade, but hey, I’m not complaining. Slade was awesome and I DON’T want to see what this show would do to him.”

“And...THIS...”

(Starfire tries using her eye blasts, but the ricochet off and hit her in the eyes, leaving gaping, rather disturbing holes.)

“And there’s your children’s nightmare fuel for the week, folks.” Steel said, “Trust me, it’s not the ONLY bit this show has to offer.”

(Robin: What do you want?)

(Brother Blood: What I want is very simple--control over the Titans Tower Arsenal!)

“Huh, surprised one of my villains hasn’t tried that yet...” Steel said.

Meanwhile...

Doopliss snickered as he flew up to the Weegee statue, “THIS plan has to work! Once I gain control of the OTD Arsenal, Steel’s final downfall will be assured! AND I SHALL BECOME SUPREME RULER OF THE WORLD!”

He shifted it, but a look of shock crossed his face.

Sitting in the arsenal was Kyubey. The space creature looked at Doopliss and simply said, “Hi.”

Doopliss flew out of the HQ as fast as he could, screaming in absolute terror.

Back with Steel...

“However, their arsenal is locked by voice recognition codes. Brother Blood tries using his mind-control powers on them...which looks more like something from bad, hypno artwork, but the three shake it off.” Steel continued, “But then Brother Blood shows them a torture device and...they immediately authorize access.”

“Uh...Teen Titans! Your favorite team of young heroes who immediately cave at the mere suggestion of torture!” Steel proclaimed, sounding a little confused.

(Starfire: We do not like the torture!)

(Raven: Yeah, that looks super uncomfortable.)

“We then cut to...Cyborg and Beast Boy singing with just the words ‘waffles’.” Steel said, “Are you sure that Pain Bot doesn’t actually exist? Because I think it’s been turned loose on me right about now!”

“After my childhood is promptly spat upon...AGAIN, the two are contacted by Brother Blood.” Steel said, “He tells them to surrender or else they’ll never see their friends again.”

(Beast Boy: *distraught voice* WAFFLES!)

(Brother Blood: Exactly, I-wait, what did you just say?)

(Cyborg: *defiant* Waffles waffles!)

Steel looked perplexed as he asked, “Is...is this HUMOR I see?"

(Brother Blood: *taps screen* Am I coming through clearly? You understand I am making a SERIOUS threat, right?)

(Beast Boy: Waffles waffles waffles.)

(Brother Blood: ...You’re messing with me now, aren’t you?)

(Cyborg: Waffles.)

The corner’s of Steel’s mouth began to twitch.

(Brother Blood: LOOK, you know where to find me. And don’t try anything foolish as I’ve prepared for every possible contingency! *ends message*)

Steel’s face fell again.

“You came close, guys. You came SO close to actually making me think what you were doing was FUNNY.” Steel said, “Unfortunately, you chose to blow it in favor of hoping that repeating a funny-sounding word could hold you over. How do you think this episode was written, anyway?”

Cutaway gag...

Steel took a puff from marijuana and said, “I feel like using a funny word, but I don’t wanna THINK...”

“Hey, sir, want some waffles?” Bindi asked, holding up a tray of the breakfast food.

Steel burst out loud, laughing, “THAT’S BRILLIANT! MAKE AN EPISODE OUT OF THAT!”

“Glad I could be of service?” Bindi said, looking confused and a little disturbed.

End cutaway gag...

“So, the Three Stooges Minus One go off to rescue their friends...while repeating ‘waffles’ over and over again.” Steel said.

(Beast Boy and Cyborg: *burst through the door* WAFFLES!)

(Raven: I am really impressed at your commitment to this game.)

“Glad ONE of us is...” Steel murmured.

“So, Brother Blood activates his Pain Bot, which captures the two.” Steel said, “Brother Blood demands their voice recognition codes, but-oh, bite me if you can’t guess the punchline of THIS joke."

(Beast Boy: Waffles!)

(Cyborg: Waffles!)

(Brother Blood: Okay, stop saying that! It’s getting very irritating and it’s not funny AT ALL.)

“So, these guys seem to believe that SAYING something isn’t funny will somehow make it funny.” Steel said, “Sorry, but Mike Meyers proved that horse is a dead one. He at least had SOME characters and chemistry to make it last as long as he did. This show has nothing to go on!”

“So, Beast Boy and Cyborg get tortured-”


(Starfire: I cannot bear to watch...)

“Me? I’m not getting enough!” Steel exclaimed.

(Brother Blood: Ready to talk?)

(Beast Boy: *weakly* Waffles...)

(Brother Blood: Stop saying “waffles”!)

“However, Robin has a brain blast.” Steel said.

(Raven: Does it involve waffles?)

“Oh no...” Steel sighed.

(Robin: Exactly. Brother Blood may THINK he prepared for every contingency, but you can’t prepare for Cyborg and Beast Boy’s stupid games.)

“They’re going there...” Steel said, bringing his hand down his face.

(Brother Blood: Just tell your friends to give the activation codes. Don’t tell me you’re not annoyed, too.)

“They’re going to drive me insane...” Steel growled, gripping his face.

(Robin: WAFFLES.)

Steel’s face then broke into a demented grin.

There’s no earthly way of knowing...how this show is still on-going...” Steel sang, the imagery flashing all the while.


Every episode they show is sloppy...it’s just one line that they just copy...


Is it possible they’re just spiting...everyone who mocks their writing...?


Though there’s one more minute left...they left me here, sanity bereft...” Steel then let out a yell.

Not a speck of smart is showing, so the stupid must be growing...

Are the fires of Trigon a-glowing?

IS THE MAIN MAN STILL ROAMING?!

YES! THE STUPID MUST BE GROWING, FOR THE SHOWERS KEEP ON SHOWING!"

AND THEY’RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING!

ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!!!!

Steel then let out a demented combination of a yell and cackle.

“STEEL.” Akia said, snapping Steel back to reality. She looked at the critic, concerned, “What were you doing?”

“I...I dunno.” Steel answered, looking mortified, “All I remember is...Willy Wonka, a bunch of random, scary images, and the urge to hunt down Michael Jelenic and Aaron Horvath to impale them on a flagpole...”

“Wow. You haven’t reached THAT in a long time.” Xem said, an ice pack on his head, “You didn’t even lose it when it came to Ratatoing."

“Yeah...I know.” Steel nodded, “But...we’re at the last minute so...bring it on.”

“So, this drives Brother Blood nuts and he escapes on his Pain Bot.” Steel continued, “And what’s the punchline to this? The thing this ENTIRE gag was building up to?"

(Beast Boy: Okay, it’s not funny anymore.)

(Raven: ...What?)

(Cyborg: The waffle thing? You guys are *in a song-like voice* SO annoying.)

(Starfire: But...was this not your game?)

(Beast Boy: And you guys ruined it.)

(Cyborg: Thanks a lot.)

(Cut to show Beast Boy’s torso is a skeleton and Cyborg’s in pieces as his head falls off.)

“Yep, a combination of a middle finger and nightmare fuel.” Steel said, “Hope you’re happy, ‘cuz if you’re not, TOO BAD! And, while we’re at it, why don’t we highlight some of the show’s OTHER glorious moments? Like insulting people who don’t like it, Trigon being turned into a sitcom dad, Aquaman being made the butt of another ‘Aquaman is useless’ joke (even though they do not reflect the actual character), the implication that Batman physically abused Robin, Starfire blowing up the moon, Starfire having Deadman’s body under her bed, an entire episode devoted to being a bad parody of the episode where Starfire went into the future, a wall where they had Jason Todd’s ashes AND the crowbar that killed him, and THIS nightmare-inducing image...”

Steel took in a deep breath and looked ready to scream, but calmed down a bit, a rather bitter look on his face.

“Normally I’d crack a joke at how I’m shamelessly self-advertising, but I don’t care.” Steel said, “If you’re following me, you might notice that I’ve been posting chapters for something called The Elite. Check it out if you want, I don’t care right now. I’m not advertising, I’m making a point. I was inspired to write it because of Young Justice AND Teen Titans. It showed me how to write a young hero team dynamic while having good writing as well as comedy. It showed me how to make good characters. It was the first DC show I really got attached to. Justice League didn’t really appeal to me, so I went with the Titans. I can really credit IT for making me consider DC to be have my favorite heroes. It helped make me who I am in terms of a writer. I still hold a special place in my heart for it.”

“Now, I’m not against making a superhero comedy show.” Steel said, “But there are two main problems with the show. The first one is that the humor isn’t funny. That’s bad enough. But the second one is the bigger sin to me: it attached everything bad about it to that show that I love. That show that I have fond memories of. That show that I watched all the time when I was in a place that had cable or when it was on Kids WB. That show that helped build my idea of superheroing. To me, that is far worse than any bit of bad writing or any out of character moment. That is why it’s truly sickening to me.”

“I’m Tohokari-Steel and THIS was Outta the DVD, where movies face my judgement.” Steel concluded, standing up and walking away.


PROS:
</span>-Returning voice actors
-The stuff with Brother Blood was ALMOST funny
CONS:
-Animation’s mediocre at best
-Bad jokes
-Bad characters
FINAL SCORE: 1/10

CLIPS USED:
</span>Teen Titans Go! “Waffles”
Futurama
Monty Python & The Holy Grail
Teen Titans Theme Song
Teen Titans

(Robin: Okay, guys, saying “waffles” over and over isn’t funny. It’s annoying. Please stop.)

“Also, because I’d probably be hamstrung if I didn’t make this reference at SOME point...” Steel said, cueing a clip.

</span>
My review of the "Waffles" episode of Teen Titans Go! (BETRAYAL!).

Yeah, definitely the worst superhero show I've seen so far. Nothing more to say.

The logo is Steel looking enfuriated (and having waffles for eyes) while shouting "Betrayal".

Next Time on Outta the DVD: The Nut Job
© 2014 - 2024 Tohokari-Steel
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graceisdeathsan's avatar
Dying on the inside.