OTD: World War Z

(Devil Ray: Ladies and gentlemen, boils and ghouls, step right up! In this review lies a ghastly concoction of delight, horror, fantasy, and terror! Your every wish is my command! Your every whimsical desire is brought to life...but, I warn you, there is always a price. WELCOME TO OUTTA THE DVD!
Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange
Come with us and you will see
This our town of Halloween
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween
I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red
I am the one hiding under yours stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
Written by Tohokari-Steel
Theme Song: This is Halloween, Marilyn Manson version)

Steel sighed as he looked over his latest movie. He then looked at Devil Ray as a thought occurred to him, “Hey, Devil Ray, where’s my team THIS time?”

“Oh, I’ve made sure that they had an...adequate distraction.” Devil Ray replied, smirking.

Meanwhile...

The entire OTD crew was gathered around the television, watching with a fixed expression. The show in question? Doctor Who.

“This is one of my favorite shows.” Akia said, vacantly.

“Who turned this on, anyway?” Bindi asked.

“No idea.” Geek replied, eating some popcorn.

Back in Steel’s room...

“You MONSTER! Everyone knows you don’t WATCH Doctor Who, you MARATHON it!” Steel shouted.

“Precisely.” Devil Ray stated, “On with the show.”

“Fine.” Steel growled, “World War Z.”

“This movie stands out to many as the greatest example of a book’s film “adaptation”, using the STRONGEST possible air quotes imaginable.” Steel said, “Very, VERY loosely based on the post-zombie apocalypse novel by Max Brooks, this film came out at a time when the zombie genre seemed to be on its last legs. Why? Because it was a rather repetitive and dry plot device by the time 2013 came around. Ironically enough, the zombie genre has become a zombie itself--being obviously dead, yet insisting on moving anyway. When I heard that a movie was in the works, I thought it could be interesting as the book had some cool concepts, intelligent social/political commentary, and was told entirely in hindsight...then I saw that the movie had Brad Pitt as a protagonist and realized that the movie was doomed. Why? Because the book didn’t HAVE a main character...kind of. Max Brooks is a character who’s interviewing people after the zombie plague has been pretty much halted, but he keeps his presence to a minimum. Having a main character pretty much destroys the entire concept of the book.”

“Trust me, this isn’t the FIRST moment where I’ll say it misses the point of the book.” Steel growled, “Let’s just up and brain World War Z.”

“Our movie begins with a barrage of newsreels and footage.” Steel said, “Dear lord, I’m having 2012 Red Dawn flashbacks!”

Based on the novel by Max Brooks.

“Um, yeah, that should definitely come with an asterisk that leads to a small sentence that says ‘by ‘based’, we mean that it has the same title and we asked the writer if this in no way resembled his work’.” Steel said.

“We open up with Brad Pitt...whose character I won’t even bother remembering, so he’s just Brad Pitt.” Steel said, “He used to be a UN employee before quitting to be with his family. I’d make a UN joke to this context, but, let’s be perfectly honest, I already did when I reviewed Pacific Rim. After the bit about how good their life is, which is an obvious way to contrast how sucky things are going to get from there, we cut to a traffic jam in Philadelphia, where the family’s playing Twenty Questions. However, they notice a bunch of helicopters flying, police are gathering, and an explosion goes off not far from where they are. Well, this movie’s getting to the point. That already puts it head and shoulders above Devil Inside.”

“Not much of an accomplishment, really.” Devil Ray commented.

“Fair point.” Steel shrugged.

“People begin panicking and-”

WARNING:
What happens next is one of the most unintentionally hilarious moments I have ever seen in movies. Even funnier than “You are tearing me apart, Lisa”. Sit back and enjoy.

Police Officer: Get back in your  car right now! Remain with your-
WHAM!
Police officer gets hit by a speeding truck.

Steel burst out laughing at that point.

“So...where to begin?” Steel asked, “How about we never saw the oncoming truck in the establishing shot a few seconds ago? Or about how the officer didn’t notice the roaring hunk of metal going at him at over fifty? Oh, no, better! Why didn’t Brad Pitt WARN the officer of the oncoming metal death trap? Seriously, NOBODY saw this coming? Is it like Doc Brown’s DeLorean? Did it just come right from the future?”

There was a knock at the door. Outside was Deadpool.

“Hey, Steel!” Deadpool called, “People have been wondering what’s taking you so-”

WHAM!

Deadpool was run over by, oddly enough, a full-sized bullet train that seemingly came out of nowhere and vanished as soon as it came.

“You hear something?” Steel asked.

“Nope.” Devil Ray answered.

“Huh. Weird.” Steel said before resuming the review, “Since Brad Pitt seems to be the only one capable of taking advantage of a situation when it presents itself, he follows the spontaneously-appearing garbage truck as it makes a path out of other vehicles...and no one else tries doing the same thing. Heck, I’m not seeing any other people in Philadelphia, a city of at least one and a half MILLION. And we’re introduced to one of my least-favorite trends of the modern era: shaky cam. It makes sense for action sequences, especially the real intense ones to simulate an adrenaline rush, but here? It makes me ask ‘what’ over and over again.”

Car gets hit by an oncoming ambulance.

(Mr. Krabs: Oh, look. An ambulance. Now then...)

“Panic erupts and the cameraman seems to be having the mother of all seizures as the zombies arrive. And I didn’t think this was possible, but part is less coherent than most of the action scenes in Transformers. Quite an accomplishment, really.” Steel continued, “We then get a look at these fast-moving zombies...which are nothing like the book’s, because those ones were slow-moving because of rigor mortis setting in. I mean, Zombieland zombies were fast, but they weren’t walking corpses. Y’know, I think I’ll just STOP pointing out what it got wrong from the book. I’ll be here a REALLY long time if I did.”

“Smart move.” Devil Ray said.

Brad Pitt: Head to the RV!

“Which no one else is going for because I’ve got the Plot Armor!” Steel imitated.

Brad Pitt looks over to a man who was bitten. He begins contorting and twisting while emitting a high-pitched rattle.

“Okay,” Steel said, barely stifling a laugh, “I mean, WOW. Walking Dead and Last of Us made the zombie transformation a slow, terrifying, and torturous process. This...transforms people in under twelve seconds and in the goofiest possible way! You have to wonder who greenlit that.”

“Oh and, by the way, if you’re expecting people to be torn apart in gruesome and horrifying ways as the zombies feast on their flesh...shoot that expectation. Immediately.” Steel said, “The zombies just bite people and that’s it. If you were expecting otherwise, clearly you didn’t see the PG-13 rating.”

“Also, to make this intense scene seem a little lighter, zombies breaking windows with their HEADS.” Steel said, “I am NOT making that up. Okay, a brief comparison here: a zombie shoving its face through a broken shield to get at a person inside? That is TERRIFYING. A zombie hurling itself at windows to break them is...actually kinda funny to look at.”

“The family escapes thanks to establishing shots and obligatory Inception ‘bwaas’.” Steel continued, “Oh and one of Brad Pitt’s daughters is asthmatic. Just thought you ought to know.”

Brad Pitt’s wife goes to the driver’s seat and tries turning on the RV, but to no avail.

“Wasn’t that working fine just a second ago?” Steel asked.

RV turns on.

“Oh, never mind. Just an attempt to make some tension.” Steel said, “Though I DO give you points for not making a jump-scare. That would’ve been a golden opportunity, but you took the high-road.”

“Trust me, there’s jump-scares aplenty in this movie.” Devil Ray said.

“Buzz-kill.” Steel muttered.

“We then get an establishing shot of Newark, New Jersey in flames. So...REGULAR Newark, New Jersey?” Steel asked before exclaiming, “ZING!”

“Though if you’re not a fan of establishing shots of famous cities being destroyed...turn back now. There’s like a bajillion more where that came from.” Steel continued, “I’d make a joke about the distance, but a drive from Philadelphia to Newark is only about an hour long, give or take a few minutes. They go to a pharmacy, where everyone’s looting it. It’s almost like the Kwik-E Mart on rush hour. And how long’s it been since the zombie outbreak started? So, between now and the one hour mark, everyone’s gone into full-panic mode? My suspension of disbelief is kinda wavering at this point.”

Brad Pitt and the older daughter get confronted in the pharmacy department by a guy with the gun. He holds the gun up to them as they freeze. A few moments later, he just puts the gun down.
Guy: What do you need?

(Grunkle Stan: Well, that happened.)

“Well, that was...pointless.” Steel said, “You build up that tense atmosphere and just drop it like that? Why?”

“So, he sees his wife...getting mugged before getting into a shoot-out, resulting in the guy’s death.” Steel said.

A policeman starts walking towards Brad Pitt, who puts up his hands in surrender. The cop, however, just walks past him and starts stashing baby food.

“Y’know, I think I’ve found the main question of this movie.” Steel said, “It brings up what could lead to an intense atmosphere only to say ‘Scrap it’ and dump it entirely. So, the main question of this movie is officially...”

(Hercules: WHAT’S THE POINT?!)

“So, they run into the nearest alley, trying to avoid the seizure zombies, and get cornered in a run-down building. There’s a Hispanic family there, but they’re not letting anyone in...until Brad Pitt speaks in Spanish and convinces the family to let them in.” Steel said, “Um...expect ‘abilities as plot demands’ to be a regular thing with this guy. It gets old fast. REALLY fast. They get a warning broadcast and we learn that a virus is causing this. In the book, it’s brought up that it started in the third world...which actually makes sense. Most of those nations don’t have access to good medical treatment, so they would bring their infected to more advanced countries in the hope that they might be able to help, making the virus spread. Here...it just sorta happens. No real build up and I have no idea what the time span of this movie is.”

“So, there’s a scene where Brad Pitt gets his gun and can’t find his family. Really intense music plays and you can’t help that something happened. And...they’re fine.” Steel said, “Um...what a relief? Could’ve sworn something was gonna happen by all that intense music and the imagery you were showing, but no...he gets his gun and finds out they’re fine. Later, Brad Pitt tapes a knife to the barrel of the gun, which is actually a pretty smart move. Using household items to make a makeshift bayonet, which can be used as a spear if you run out of ammo. It’s very innovative and kinda creative.”

Brad Pitt tapes some supermodel magazines to his forearm to make a gauntlet.

“Uh...point for creativity against zombie bites, but I have to take it away due to the obvious attempt at appealing to young boys.” Steel said, “So, Brad goes out to where the film team is playing with the light-switch...”

“Aaah.” Steel said, in a mock, unenthusiastic scream, as he waved his hands back-and-forth.

“He and his family move out with nothing but a signal flare for light and this is a pretty well-done sequence. The distance screeching adds a level of creepiness and there’s that feeling if the flare goes out, then they’ll be left in total darkness. It’s a pretty chilling atmosphere, actually.” Steel said.

Brad Pitt and family prepare to go up a flight of stairs before a zombie lunges out, screeching.

A WILD JUMP SCARE APPEARS

“I know it’s been said by EVERYONE...Spoony, Film Brain, Hardcore Kid, Phelous, Linkara, practically EVERY critic on the web has said this, but I’ll gladly say it again.” Steel grunted, “Jump scares are NOT SCARING. They STARTLE, it’s only scary because it comes the heck out of nowhere with no real buildup. It’s scary the FIRST TIME you see it, but after seeing it repeatedly, you begin to predict them and call them. Eventually, they don’t even STARTLE you, they just become repetitive. A SMART horror movie would build atmosphere, make whatever was out there a looming threat, and genuinely make you wonder if these characters are going to make it out alive. What happened to you in the one-minute it took to get from the last scene to this one, movie? You really seemed to get it then!”

“So, more zombies show up and give chase with Brad Pitt’s family staying just ahead of them. Um, weren’t these guys faster a while back? Oh wait, I forgot. Brad Pitt’s got Plot Armor to shame John Cusack from 2012.” Steel said.

(Black Knight: I’M INVINCIBLE!)

“Brad sends his family off and tries holding off the zombies, but seems to get over-powered until the Latino kid saves his hide.” Steel said, “He rejoins his family on the roof and takes a precaution in case he transforms because he got zombie blood in his mouth--he goes to the edge of the roof and counts to twelve. While that is a definite safety measure, it reminds me that the zombie transformation takes twelve seconds and how ridiculous that is.”

“So, they get away in the shamefully CGI helicopter and fly to the USS Argus.” Steel continued, “We then get a barrage of exposition, saying that the plague has spread all over the globe. Once again, I’m wondering just how long this thing took to happen. Most zombie plagues I’ve read about take months or even years to take full effect. Here, it doesn’t even look like a week’s passed. Give Walking Dead credit, it was at least ambiguous as to how much time passed.”

“They overhear some of the people studying this bring up the word ‘zombie’ as it appeared in a fort in South Korea.” Steel continued, “They want Brad Pitt to join the team and investigate the source of the virus. But, like most 90’s action flicks, he turns them down at first only to accept a few minutes later. He disembarks and talks with deadmeat-I mean the doctor guy who wants to find a vaccine for the virus.”

Doctor Fassbach (the man in charge of investigating the virus): Mother Nature is a serial killer.

“So, Avatar was garbage?” Steel asked before shouting, “I knew it!"

“Due to being low on fuel, they’re forced to land.” Steel continued, “However, zombies attack.”

Fassbach turns and runs back up the ramp to the aircraft.
Brad Pitt: Fassbach, wait!
Fassbach trips on his way up and falls, his gun going off against his head, killing him.

“Um...this character was introduced about two minutes ago. So, what was the point?” Steel asked, “If you wanted to have Brad Pitt be on his own, fine, but why not have a zombie kill him rather than in this borderline hilarious way?”

“Back in the movie, a SEAL Team comes to the rescue and gets them to safety.” Steel continued, “They then discuss what happens.”

Brad Pitt: There was a memo sent out eleven days ago from this institution. Had the word “zombie” in it. Do you know anything about it?
SEAL: Yeah. It was an e-mail, not a memo. Pretty obvious no one back home bothered to read it.

“Hey, I think that's what Max Brooks said when he read the script for this thing!" Steel exclaimed.

“We get a bit of backstory about what happened--a local got bitten and began attacking people and later infected a medic there.” Steel continued, “The result being a mass infection through this military fort. Brad Pitt then talks to a CIA guy who was selling guns to North Korea and it turns out THEY’RE surviving just fine...when, in the book, it appeared to be a ghost nation and nobody knew if anyone there survived the apocalypse. And how did they take care of this? By pulling everyone’s teeth out.”

“I think this movie proves that dystopian, authoritarian states are always going to win and should be a bigger part of everyday life.” Steel said.

“Anyway, Crazy CIA Guy says that Israel is winning because they sealed off their entire country. Look, I know that Israel was the only nation that took pre-emptive measures in the book, but I just have to ask...why not point out to other nations that this was going to happen?” Steel asked, “I know Israel isn’t really the most popular nation in the world, but in the book, they DID tell the UN that they were taking quarantine measures to protect themselves from the zombie plague. Nobody was listening and that’s why it spread so far.”

CIA Man: First to know, first to act.

“I WOULD go on about how it was actually China that knew about the zombie plague first, but this movie doesn’t bring it up...probably for the same reason they turned the Chinese into North Koreans in Red Dawn.” Steel said, “Anyway, he prepares to go to Jerusalem with his new army buddies...”

SEALs riding on rather squeaky-sounding bicycles.

“Okay, WHY these?” Steel asked, “I mean...I know you want to be quiet, but those things are making noise like crap and these zombies are sensitive to noise. If the choice is between silence and speed, I’d take the extra ten minutes if I’d be a little more quiet. But no, it’s not the noisiest bikes on the planet that get the zombies’ attention, but rather Brad Pitt’s wife calling him and setting off a ringtone.”

(Rorschach: Convenient.)

“So, long story short, they get on the plane and fly off to Israel.” Steel continued, “Their objective? Find Jurgan Warmbrunn, the man who formulated a plan against the zombie attack. So, that raises the number of things from the book that made into the movie into two...”

The title
Jurgan Warmbrunn

“So, he meets Jurgan after a brief montage at a university where he pretty much lifts the first lines the character had, word for word.” Steel said.

Jurgan: Most people do not believe something can happen to them until it already has. It’s not stupidity or weakness, just human nature.

“Yeah, movie, you’ve made it clear that you don’t give a flying crap about the book. Why convince us that you do NOW?” Steel asked.

“So, there’s more exposition spat out and the stupid continues as refugees coming in start singing loudly and get the attention of zombies. AGAIN, Israel was the first nation to start mobilizing against zombies, so why wouldn’t they KNOW that they’re sensitive to sound?!” Steel shouted, “And then the zombies start piling on each other, making a pyramid so they can get over the wall. Why the regularly-patrolling helicopters don’t gun them all down isn’t made clear. Maybe they all just went for a coffee break at the same time! And, even if the zombies DO get over the wall, they should be reduced to GOOP on impact with the ground. What’s that? Zombies only die if you get their brains? Well, if you fall from a height like the wall’s at, the minute you hit the ground, any bones you have will break. INCLUDING YOUR SKULL, SO THEIR BRAINS ARE DESTROYED! Didn’t ANYONE think this through before making it?!”

“Do you really want to know the answer?” Devil Ray asked.

“NO!” Steel shouted.

“So, the zombies attack Israel because everyone decided to be stupid and Brad Pitt is taken on the first plane out of their.” Steel said, “So, what was the point of this?”

“Yeah, this whole thing pretty much boils down to ‘Sorry, but our cure is in another castle’...that and seeing a kid duck and cover, allowing the main character to get an idea as to how to stop the zombies later on.” Steel continued, “He hijacks a plane with an Israeli soldier whose hand he amputated before the virus could infect her and begins tending to her wounds. He then gets a brain-blast as to how to deal with the zombies. He gets some info from the pilot that there’s a WHO facility in Wales and they’ll try to make it there.”

Later, a chihuahua begins yipping at a closed room. A stewardess walks over and opens the door. A zombie bursts out in a jump scare to bite her.

“Okay, HOW did a zombie remain unnoticed for that much time?” Steel asked, “With all these people onboard, you think it would’ve come out sooner! What, was it just a ninja zombie or something...?” Steel’s eyes then went off into the distance before he said, “Ninja zombies...someone, PLEASE MAKE THAT A THING.”

“So, yeah, the zombies overtake the plane and Brad Pitt blows open part of it with a grenade, forcing them to crash.” Steel continued, “The plane crashes and, OF COURSE, Brad Pitt survives. And this brings up another major problem with the movie: THE PROTAGONIST IS INVINCIBLE. NOTHING can hurt him, he ALWAYS finds a way out, so there’s no reason to care. That wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for one thing: HE’S NOT INTERESTING, EITHER.”

“Allow me to compare this to another thing that I don’t really like: Sword Art Online.” Steel said, “I watched the first seven or so episodes and thought that the show had an interesting premise. I stopped watching, however, when I came to the conclusion that its protagonist, Kirito, was over-powered as well as uninteresting. This combined with the fact that I KNEW he was the main focus of the story made me stop watching the show. Why? Simple, really. If he’s invincible, I have no reason to feel worried for him. If he’s uninteresting, I have no reason to care. And that’s my main problem with that show and this movie. I’m actually rather forgiving towards invincible characters, heck I openly call Superman my all-time favorite fictional character, but the Man of Steel has one thing that neither Kirito nor Brad Pitt has--he’s INTERESTING and is always challenged by the events of the narrative. These two characters just go through plot point to plot point as if the whole thing is a walk in the park.”

“HA!” Steel laughed, triumphantly, “I just linked together anime, comic books, AND Brad Pitt!”

“Congratulations, you have no life to speak of.” Devil Ray commented, “Now, back to the review.”

“Okay.” Steel sighed, “So, Brad Pitt comes to and finds that he might be the only survivor because Plot Armor. He’s also impaled on a piece of the plane, but his Israeli friend (named Sagan) is there to help him to the WHO facility. He passes out and wakes up three days later, being interrogated by two British guys who bring up his phone.”

Brad Pitt: Call it, they’ll tell you who I am. Call it.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Steel said, “Earlier in the movie, the pilot (who I’m guessing is currently a red smear across some British woodland) said that the battery is dead right to Brad Pitt’s face. Ignoring for the fact that Brad Pitt has no idea whether or not they replaced the batteries, why didn’t these guys call the number to begin with? It would’ve easily answered their questions of ‘who are you’ and ‘what are you doing here’. Is everyone just been taking stupid pills or something? Or was it their intention to make the book as told by Bizarro World?”

“So, Brad Pitt’s been given the word of the black guy he works for to answer the two British guys, but is also told that his family was taken off the liner and returned to land, a refugee camp in Nova Scotia to be precise.” Steel continued.

British Guy: I understand how you feel.
Brad Pitt: Do you?
British Guy: Yes.
Brad Pitt: Do you have a family?
British Guy: No.
Brad Pitt: No. Then you couldn’t possibly understand, could you?

(Daredevil Dan: Easy, bro, I know how you feel.
Dex Dogtective: No. No one can.)

“I just referenced Foodfight.” Steel groaned, “I feel very sad right now. But, it’s distracted by this bit here...”

British Guy: I lost my son and wife in Rome. Rather, I lost my son to...something that had once been my wife.

“OH NO, I WAS A MORON!” Steel screamed.

“But Brad Pitt has an idea about how to deal with zombies.” Steel said, “Just note that I am not making any of this up. This was written down. An editor said it was a good idea. The studio looked over this script and said ‘Yes, we should include this in our movie’. This was shown in theaters. I just wanted you to keep that in mind. So...Brad Pitt’s looking for a deadly, yet curable virus or bacteria. Why? Well, how about British Guy answers that?”

British Guy: Well, Mr. Lane believes we can use such a disease against the undead.
Doctor: *scoffs* I would give you points for originality, Mr. Lane, if we hadn’t already tried that, first thing.
Brad Pitt: It’s not for them. It’s for us. I believe these things have a weakness. And that weakness is weakness. Our weakness. I have witnessed them literally bypass people. Walk right around them like a river around a rock. Why? I think because those people were sick. I think they were terminal and these things could sense it. I think they’re spreading a pathogen and they need a healthy host.

“You read that right, folks. The zombies don’t attack sick people.” Steel said, “Oddly considerate for flesh-eating ghouls. I...I don’t know how to describe this. This is...without a doubt, the DUMBEST idea for a zombie plague I have ever seen! N-no, y’know what? Maybe they’re onto something here! Maybe ALL zombie stories should have the ‘zombies don’t attack sick people’ schtick! I mean, wouldn’t Walking Dead be so much better if THEIR zombies were like that?”

Cutaway Gag...
Rick and his group of survivors were surrounded by a horde of zombies. They prepare their weapons to fight their way out, what could be their last stand...

Then Rick sneezed.

The zombies halted, looked at each other, shrugged, and began walking away, making apologetic groans. The group stared at this in disbelief.

“Can’t believe we were actually afraid of these things.” Rick said.

“Well, barbeque at my place.” Daryl shrugged.
End Gag...

“Unfortunately, the only way to test out this GENIUS THEORY,” Steel continued, some rather angry sarcasm placed on ‘genius theory’, “Is to get the right pathogen from B-Wing...which is over-run by the sick-intolerant zombies. So, Brad Pitt and Sagan get some makeshift armor and go into the proverbial lions’ den with British Guy. It’s...actually kind of intense, like that part way at the beginning. Though something that ruins it is the accidental noises that keep going off. They might as well start stepping on bike horns by now. However, the plot demands that their stupidity win out, so the zombies are on their trail because Sagan fired her gun...which I figured would have been a last resort rather than her first option, but she’s MILITARY. Shooting is all they know how to do, RIGHT?”

“Brad Pitt leads the horde off to give the other two time to get the right pathogen...but they run into more zombies and just run back to their home base.” Steel continued, “Worst Team Fortress 2 players EVER. Back with Brad Pitt, he discovers the place where they keep the pathogens and finds that his way is blocked by a zombie. So, he just injects himself with some random crap he finds and it works.”

(CROW: DULL SURPRISE!)

Brad Pitt stops at a vending machine and gets a Pepsi, which he drinks.

“No idea why, but I suddenly want a Pepsi.” Steel said.

“So, this nonsensical, stupid plan turns out to be effective, Brad Pitt reunites with his family, we get a montage of fighting, and I’m supposed to feel all emotional and stuff.” Steel said, “Unfortunately, all I feel is this statement:”

“This movie SUCKS.” Steel concluded, “It jumps all over the place in terms of setting, its main character is uninteresting, and its resolution is stupid. As an adaptation, it’s bad because it completely disregards the source material, which was very unique and and rather interesting. On its own, it’s bad because it’s just another generic zombie movie. The most that I can say is that it is an entertaining kind of bad that you can get together with some friends and watch to make fun of.”

“THERE, I did that movie. What next, Devil Ray?” Steel asked.

“Oh, it’s a SPECIAL review.” Devil Ray replied, “And, like last year, I got a friend for you to review it with!”

“Who?” Steel asked.

The door swung open as Dawn walked in, holding a list, “Okay, Steel, I found a few MORE things wrong with the Raimi trilogy that I think you should-”

Dawn halted as she entered the room and saw Devil Ray. The demonic doppelganger of Steel’s brother began snickering before chuckling and then going to full-out laughter as the door swung shut behind Dawn.

TO BE CONCLUDED...

PROS:
-Several unintentionally hilarious moments
-Definite riff value
-At least watchable
CONS:
-Brad Pitt’s character isn’t really that interesting
-Plot goes all over the place
-Insulting if viewed as an adaptation
-If viewed on its own, is just another generic zombie outbreak movie
FINAL SCORE: 3/10

CLIPS USED:
World War Z
Spongebob Squarepants
Gravity Falls
Disney’s Hercules
Watchmen
Foodfight!
Mystery Science Theater 3000

SEAL: Pretty obvious no one back home bothered to read it.

Outside, Deadpool lay in a broken heap, blood soaking the carpet, appendages twitching feebly, and a rather noticeable track over his back. Only one word escaped this flesh, blood, and bone. And that word was simply...