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Now, first of all, these are just the reviews that I felt were the high-points of the year. This is entirely opinion-based. Secondly, I'll just include some parts that I either find funny or just good in general as well as an explanation as to WHY I like them. That said, let's begin with a few runners-up.
OTD: Kick-Ass
OTD: Monster Rancher
Both of these reviews were rather funny, but were pretty much joke entries. So, I don't count them as full reviews. I DID have fun writing them, though.
OTD: Foodfight!
Made the review while the movie was still relevant thanks to my friend,
. Didn't feel I could have a lot to work with, but I recently saw The Spirit, so I included a gag where Steel wound up parodying the movie. This resulted with some funny lines and a couple funny jokes that made it worth writing.OTD: Lady in the Water
First part of my Shyamalan Shya-Month-Long, I think I got some good lines as well as throwing out a good Reason You Suck Speech. I think I wound up taking this a little personally, but don't care. Still liked the review.
With those out of the way, let's begin the actual countdown.
Number 10...
OTD: Sayonara Zetsobou-Sensei
This one ALMOST didn't make the list because I felt like there wasn't much substance to it. I wound up doing a co-review with
on the first episode of an anime series that's essentially a spoof on Japanese culture...which I admit to not knowing a lot about. Most of the jokes come from me not understanding it and Kitty perfectly getting it with everything getting lost in translation. Surprisingly, a lot of good jokes came from that. But what pushed it over the edge, however, was the gag at the end which STILL makes me grin.“Well, the episode’s done.” Steel sighed, “Can I go now?”
“Not just yet.” Kitty said, snapping her fingers. Everything shifted, now Steel was sitting at a desk, “You need to learn more about Japanese culture, you xenophobic grouch. And I’M just the person to teach it ALL to you. For YOUR own sake!”
Steel looked at the blackboard and saw that it now read ‘detention’. He tried getting up, to run away, but discovered that he was strapped to the desk.
Kitten appeared like a demonic being at the front of the room.
“First, a little history.” Kitty said, taking out a book and clearing her throat, “Billions of years ago, the Earth was a molten mass...”
Steel screamed at that point.
Number 9...
OTD: Frozen
This is another crossover review, this one being with another friend whose character actually wound up being a recurring one,
. This is a movie that she really likes, but I consider to be good but overrated. The result was a rather funny review in my opinion. These include the opening where Steel's completely unaware of her presence until he stops and thinks about it...which I kinda stole from Andrew Klavan, I won't lie.It was early morning and Steel walked up the stairs and placed a bowl at the table. He seemed to be unaware that a woman with long, black hair, lavender eyes, and a black dress was sitting at the opposite end of the table. Steel simply began humming his show's theme song to himself as he got some cereal, milk, a spoon, and a cup before placing them down. He poured some milk into the cup and then some cereal into the bowl. He looked ready to take his first spoonful, but halted as he noticed the person sitting across from him.
“You're not my breakfast buddy!” Steel shouted, “Who are you?”
“I'm Akia Aoi.” She answered.
“How'd you get in here?” Steel asked.
“Oh, I broke in. You need a new lock.” Akia replied, cheerily.
A few gags here and there that make me chuckle...
“All the while, Elsa sings about her fears of her powers manifesting themselves in public-did a script for X-Men get spliced in here by mistake?”
“C'mon, Steel, it's nothing like X-Men.” Akia said, “It's only someone suppressing powers she was born with for fear of being ostracized by society and being branded...dangerous...or a freak...” Steel was giving her a look that said 'Are you listening to what you're saying?'. Akia stopped and thought before saying, “Well...there's no time travel, aliens, or giant robots.”
“Fair enough.” Steel conceded.
And some bits of referential humor.
“And it starts snowing...in the middle of summer.”
(Mike Nelson: This kinda weather wouldn't even PHASE the Midwest!)
Ultimately...not that bad a review.
Number 8...
OTD: Pacific Rim
This is a review I enjoyed writing...more for the gag in the narrative itself. See, when I announced I was going to review it EVERYONE who watches me and looks into my reviews wanted to co-host. I kept telling them "No" because with a few exceptions, I try to do crossovers infrequently. But then someone...I think it was either Abe or Agimat convinced me to make THAT the theme of the episode--my character announcing he'll do the review and everyone wanting in on it because of how awesome the movie is. Result being a rather funny review because of what happened outside of the movie rather than what I poked fun at in the movie. It's an odd balance. My favorite moments include...
"However, it turns out that Raleigh’s okay, but collapses as the old man tends to him and sends his son to get help. Considering that we never see them again, I think it’s safe to assume that they both got eaten by polar bears. We then have our title...at about the seventeen minute mark before-”
“HEY!” Steel cut across, “Amily, what’re you doing here?”
“Well, I heard you were doing a review of Pacific Rim, so I figured you’d want a co-host.” Amily said.
“You thought wrong, then.” Steel said, “There’s about as much depth to this movie as a kiddie pool. I can handle this by myself!”
“Have it your way.” Amily shrugged as she walked over to the door, removed the barricade, unlocked it, and flung the door open.
“You’re a spiteful person, y’know that?” Steel asked before jumping out the window.
--
“I’m still telling you, these things would TOTALLY get whipped by the Autobots.” Bella said.
“What? No way.” King Candy objected. He then looked over, spotted the critic, and said, “Hi, Steel!”
Steel screamed as he slammed the door and ran off.
“Yeesh, what’s jammed up his butt?” Bella asked, munching on some popcorn.
--
The door swung open and Steel ducked into the closet with a squeak.
“Hey, Steel!” Abe called, walking in, “I heard you were reviewing Pacific Rim and saw that you ducked into MY hotel room!”
“How’d I make THAT mistake?” Steel thought, remaining as quiet as he could.
“So, how about we co-review this movie together?” Abe asked, “Y’know, since we’ve NEVER done a crossover. Seriously, AIRNARUTO gets two reviews with you, but I haven’t even gotten one?”
Abe looked over the room and, when he had his back turned, Steel slunk out of the closet and quietly exited the room. He then began running until he got into the elevator and began going down.
--
“Hey, Steel!” YoungSamurai called, holding two headsets, “Can I co-review this with you?”
“NO.” Steel deadpanned, “Besides, the review’s almost over.”
“Oh, that’s no problem!” Young grinned, placing one headset on Steel, “We’ll just DRIFT!”
Young placed a headset on himself and pushed a button, the two being engulfed in blue light and flashing images. When it faded, the two just stood there.
“So...are we drift compatible?” Young asked.
“No.” Steel said, pulling the headset off, “But NOW, I remember how my dad would scream at me for procrastinating on my math homework. THANKS, YOUNG.”
At that point, Steel punched Young, who fell off the roof.
Number 7...
OTD: Sucker Punch
Pointless Hurricane Neddy-knockoff aside, I DID have a good time making this review...mostly for picking apart how nonsensical it was...
“And that’s a major strike for this movie: we know NOTHING about these characters and, as such, feel no real pull towards them. And, even if we DID have an idea about their personalities, it would pretty much be for nothing because we ALSO know that it’s imaginary. Yeah, what this all boils down to is a bunch of ladies hanging around an asylum, babbling incoherently to each other. Why did Zack Snyder even put this in an asylum? He MUST have known that we’d feel nothing for characters we don’t know and pretty much don’t care about because five of the six of them happen to be Cuckoo for Coa-Coa Puffs!”
(Krillin: Yeah, kinda wrote myself into a corner with that...)
It also gave me a chance to sound like I know what I'm talking about (for once) as I pointed out how cool moments work...
“What do I mean by ‘just a cool moment’?” Steel asked, “Well...think about all the scenes you love from movies. Y’know, like when Neo does the bullet-stop, Rocky makes it to the top of the stairs, or Chief Brody blowing up the shark. Well...those moments were cool, but had substance because we were there from the start. We saw the characters, their dilemmas, and their struggles to get to the cool moments. The characters and, by extension, the audience WORKED for those cool moments. In this movie, however, they just threw it in because they could and, as a result, we feel nothing for it. If this scene was its own movie, MAYBE I would like it like Pacific Rim. But no, it’s just thrown in without any real thought and is never brought up again.”
And even a little bit at the end of the movie that still makes me chuckle.
“The police show up and try to take her back, but the wise man who kept showing up saves her skin and they drive off.” Steel said, “But then it turns out that Sweet Pea was in the asylum because she was a homicidal maniac. Free at last, she claimed the lives of fifty civilians. It took ten armed policemen to bring her reign of terror to a halt.”
So...yeah. A film where I had some good material to work with and also some moments of actually looking into a film concept. I like it a lot.
Number 6...
OTD: Reviews Are Critical 2 1/2
OTD: Reviews Are Critical 2 2/2
The sequel to the first My Little Pony two-parter, this one was...not AS good as the first one, but still enjoyable. It returns to the "doing review while it's happening" and pretty much started the "do reviews as two-parters". The other reviews this year were good, but I feel this was just better because it's more character-based. Steel reveals that his refusal to change from being an unrepentant jerk is actually a plus side while valuing his connections and also accepting SOME level of responsibility. And there's also funny moments like Normal Geek...
“I took your advice. I became normal.” Geek replied in a monotone, smile still plastered on his face.
Steel remained quiet for a second before saying, “Okay, that’s nice. Now, back to our job of chronicling these shenanigans...”
“How about something a little more NORMAL, like...window shopping of watering azaleas?” Geek suggested.
“It’s either that or the world getting plunged into chaos, Geek.” Steel said, walking away.
“My hard drive’s a little dirty. Wanna help me clean it?” Geek asked, following Steel.
Steel halted, looked over at Geek and said, “Geek, you’re scaring me. STOP IT.”
And I KNOW I ripped the ending of it all from Team FourStar...but it was just funny to write as a "What If". If Discord DID get into the OTD World, it probably would have resulted in this:
In OTD HQ, everything was peaceful...until a flash of light radiated through it. The floors turned into a pink-and-red checker pattern, hills randomly appeared, and a singing disco ball appeared.
"Yo, dudes!" Tony called, holding up a mug that said 'World's #1 Vamp', which was filled not with coffee, but... "Da stupid coffee machine gave me buttered popcorn!"
"You think YOU have problems?" Asked Santa Bond, who was now a snowman.
"Guys, don't lose your heads...BECAUSE I JUST DID!" screamed Bindi as her head flew away, fluffy white wings having appeared from either side as her headless body ran after it.
Xem's head sprung out of a Jack-in-the-box, an unimpressed look on his face, "I think this is rather self-explanatory..."
Cooly yelled as he ran as fast as he could. Trailing behind him was his chain gun, which had grown a mouth filled with razor-sharp teeth and let out a threatening roar.
"GUNS, WHY'VE YA BETRAYED ME, DUDES?!" the hedgehog screamed as he ran from his own weapon.
The Black Katana grew a pair of rather feminine-looking legs with high-heels and fishnets before kicking away.
"I feel the answer will only infuriate me..." Black murmured.
Jerry, meanwhile, was grabbed by a mass of writhing, slimy green tentacles that had apparently come out of his magazine.
"Don't ask what I was reading." Jerry simply said.
Meanwhile, Steve was strutting around, flapping his arms, and clucking like a chicken. He then froze and let out a loud "BUCKAW!" as an egg popped out of him.
Kyubey watched the unfolding insanity with his usual smile, only turning when Discord appeared in a flash of light.
"Aha! A new world to fill with wonderful chaos!" he proclaimed.
Kyubey's response was to simply order, "Fix this up."
Discord leaned in close to the alien cat and asked, with an unimpressed voice, "Hey, who do you think you are, kitty? Do you even know who I am?"
"Well, by all means, elaborate." Kyubey said, cheerily.
"I am Discord, embodiment of chaos and disharmony!" Discord said, "Because your world's champion failed, I am now free to do with this world as I wi-" he halted as he saw shadows dancing across him, "Hey, what's this? I don't remember-OH NO!"
The darkness began to spread across him as he screamed in terror. Kyubey simply smiled as the darkness engulfed and absorbed him, returning everything to normal.
Number 5...
OTD: World War Z
I HATE this movie. The book it's based on is a rather unique approach to how a zombie apocalypse MIGHT work and HOW people would realistically respond to it. But this was BEYOND cliche! It keeps the bad tropes of zombie lore IN and leaves the good ones OUT. And has a protagonist that's just so uninteresting that I wound up comparing it to Sword Art Online...
“The plane crashes and, OF COURSE, Brad Pitt survives. And this brings up another major problem with the movie: THE PROTAGONIST IS INVINCIBLE. NOTHING can hurt him, he ALWAYS finds a way out, so there’s no reason to care. That wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for one thing: HE’S NOT INTERESTING, EITHER.”
“Allow me to compare this to another thing that I don’t really like: Sword Art Online.” Steel said, “I watched the first seven or so episodes and thought that the show had an interesting premise. I stopped watching, however, when I came to the conclusion that its protagonist, Kirito, was over-powered as well as uninteresting. This combined with the fact that I KNEW he was the main focus of the story made me stop watching the show. Why? Simple, really. If he’s invincible, I have no reason to feel worried for him. If he’s uninteresting, I have no reason to care. And that’s my main problem with that show and this movie. I’m actually rather forgiving towards invincible characters, heck I openly call Superman my all-time favorite fictional character, but the Man of Steel has one thing that neither Kirito nor Brad Pitt has--he’s INTERESTING and is always challenged by the events of the narrative. These two characters just go through plot point to plot point as if the whole thing is a walk in the park.”
“HA!” Steel laughed, triumphantly, “I just linked together anime, comic books, AND Brad Pitt!”
“Congratulations, you have no life to speak of.” Devil Ray commented.
Though I had two REALLY funny skits in it.“How about we never saw the oncoming truck in the establishing shot a few seconds ago? Or about how the officer didn’t notice the roaring hunk of metal going at him at over fifty? Oh, no, better! Why didn’t Brad Pitt WARN the officer of the oncoming metal death trap? Seriously, NOBODY saw this coming? Is it like Doc Brown’s DeLorean? Did it just come right from the future?”
There was a knock at the door. Outside was Deadpool.
“Hey, Steel!” Deadpool called, “People have been wondering what’s taking you so-”
WHAM!
Deadpool was run over by, oddly enough, a full-sized bullet train that seemingly came out of nowhere and vanished as soon as it came.
“You hear something?” Steel asked.
“Nope.” Devil Ray answered.
“Huh. Weird.” Steel said before resuming the review.
--
Rick and his group of survivors were surrounded by a horde of zombies. They prepare their weapons to fight their way out, what could be their last stand...
Then Rick sneezed.
The zombies halted, looked at each other, shrugged, and began walking away, making apologetic groans. The group stared at this in disbelief.
“Can’t believe we were actually afraid of these things.” Rick said.
“Well, barbeque at my place.” Daryl shrugged.
While Devil Inside was the worse movie, the review consisted of me commenting on how BORING it was. This one, at least, was entertainingly bad and gave me variety/Number 4...
OTD: V for Vendetta
I consider this to have one of my best moments: I explained why anti-Bush films are stupid while remaining apolitical about it. I wasn't doing it because I happen to be conservative in my politics, I was doing it because this wasn't done WELL. Making a movie to boost your political agenda pulls down potential storylines and missed the entire point of the comic.
“Okay, during this time period, nine out of ten movies had to be made critiquing the Bush administration. Mocking it, criticizing it, or outright demonizing it.” Steel said, “Even where it made NO SENSE AT ALL. And NO, this isn’t Steel the Right-Winger getting sad that someone from his side got black-listed. George W. Bush was often mediocre at best as president. This is Steel the Critic seeing a trend in cinema and I’m calling it what it is: LAZY AND UNCREATIVE. You’re not being edgy or topical if EVERYONE ELSE HAS DONE THIS!”
“And this whole this is just simplified from its comic origin.” Steel said, “In the graphic novel, it was Anarchism vs. Outright Fascism. HERE, it’s liberalism/possible-libertarianism vs. exaggerated neo-conservatism. You wanna make a story where a government gets held accountable? FINE. I’m all for that. But to attach such a simplified version of a message from a much more complicated story is just insulting! And, ON TOP OF THAT, the villains are just badly-written! The HEROES are pretty cool with a lot of character, but the VILLAINS are little more than strawmen who’re just missing the Snidely Whiplash mustaches to twirl to SHOW how evilly evil they are! With this in mind, I think it’s understandable why Alan Moore’s response was basically...”
(Lisa Simpson: I’m taking my name off this.)
But, ranting aside, I also DID throw in some pretty funny lines. Right at the beginning, I made a joke that I thought was just a throwaway line...but kinda became one of my favorite jokes this year.
(Natalie Portman: (narrating) Remember, remember, the fifth of November. The Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot. But what of the man? I know his name was Guy Fawkes...)
“Though I kept calling him ‘Jerry’ for some reason.” Steel imitated.
And I opened up with a spoof of V's revolution speech.
With a shimmer, a man in black and a Guy Fawkes mask and sitting at a desk appeared in a red background.
“Good day, DeviantArt.” He introduced, “Allow me to apologize for this interruption. I, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of every day routine, the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any schmoe. But, in the spirit of commemoration, usually associated with someone’s death or the end of some awful, bloody struggle, a celebration of a nice holiday, I thought we could take some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat. There are, of course, those who don’t WANT us to speak. I suspect, even now, you’re wondering ‘who is this jerk?’, ‘where’s the review?’, and ‘if this doesn’t end in about five words, I’ll just wait for JonTron to release a video’. Why? Because, while I may prattle on and on about junk that you probably don’t care about, critics will always retain their power. Critics offer the meaning to movies and, for those who will listen, the power of perspective and truth. And the truth is that there was something...terribly wrong with movies like this between 2000 and 2008, wasn’t there? Pretentiousness and blatant politicizing. Obviousness and strawmen. And, during this time of revolutionary ideas, there are now films about how those exact ideas are somehow racist or moronic. But, I’m getting off track. How did this happen? Who’s to blame? Well, certainly, there are those more guilty than others and they WILL be held accountable...”
(Wachowski siblings, James McTeigue)
“But again, truth be told, if you’re looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror.” The man stated, “I know WHY you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn’t be? War, terror, the Patriot Act. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your creativity and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you. And, in your panic, you turned your blame to then-president, George W. Bush. The media promised you order, it promised you peace, and all it demanded in return was that you would spill mindless vitriol against whoever it deemed acceptable. This day, I seek to end that pattern. This day, I’m destroying that viewpoint to remind the movie-going world what it has forgotten.”
“Nearly five years ago, a great citizen wished to join a world that he had only recently discovered.” The man said, “His hope was to remind the world that respect of opinion, less politics, and more creativity are more than just words, they are perspectives. If you’ve seen nothing, if the crimes of movies like this remain unknown to you, then I would suggest letting this review go unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, then I ask you to stand by me in this review, start to finish, and together we shall give them a V For Vendetta review that shall never, ever be forgot!”
“And...CUT.” Came Xem’s voice.
“Thank GOD.” the man sighed, pulling off the mask with a sigh. It turns out that it was Tohokari-Steel all along, “You have no idea how stuffy it gets in there.”
And ultimately, it concludes with a thought that's...kind of unique. It's a movie I simultaneously hate and love at the same time. No other movie's made me feel like that.
Number 3...
OTD: Teen Titans Go! Waffles
I HATE this show. I hate it. I've got a comedy bit where I have to shout "betrayal" whenever I hear the title. Just being a bad comedy was bad enough, but it links itself to a show that helped define my views of superheroes and young ones at that. It hurt me to see the characters I knew and loved get warped beyond recognition. It hurt to hear that the creators of the show only watched TWO episodes and thought that was enough to make a parody show. It hurt even MORE to hear they made the show a spin-off of Teen Titans to garner fans only to show that they seem to spite them at every opportune moment. And that knowledge spurred the comedic anger.
This installment had some definite good moments, like explaining what was sacrificed for this show...
YOUNG JUSTICE AND GREEN LANTERN WERE CANCELLED FOR THIS...
“No, no, don’t leave it at that. I want people to KNOW what that really means.” Steel said, “Young Justice was a show with an intriguing and well-written plot with good characters and...well, amazing character designs. Green Lantern was a very unique show that showed how much the mythology of the character had to offer the DC Universe outside of that awful movie. But Cartoon Network, in their infinite wisdom, DUMPED both shows after its second and first season respectfully and just gave us THIS. A show where one episode consists of two characters saying ‘waffles’ over and over again! THERE IS NO HOPE LEFT IN THE WEST, PEOPLE. If Cartoon Network is boneheaded enough to dump two great shows for this shallow crap, it shows how little they care about quality! Migrate to anime, folks! I hear Kill la Kill’s getting more episodes. At least THAT show’s actually entertaining!”
How most of the humor is just unfunny and stupid...
“We then cut to ‘A Little Waffle Later’...” Steel paused before saying, “I’m sorry. I need to throw someone. XEM!”
Steel reached over and grabbed Xem before hurling him, screaming, into the nearest wall. The anthro-tiger slammed into it and slid onto his back, where he just had a dazed look.
“Where am I...?” he asked.
And eventually concluding with my character just snapping and going Willy Wonka. NO, I won't show the sequence. This thing's long enough as it is. Though I also took some time to explain why this show is offensive to me at the ending...as someone who loves and writes about superheroes.
“Normally I’d crack a joke at how I’m shamelessly self-advertising, but I don’t care.” Steel said, “If you’re following me, you might notice that I’ve been posting chapters for something called The Elite. Check it out if you want, I don’t care right now. I’m not advertising, I’m making a point. I was inspired to write it because of Young Justice AND Teen Titans. It showed me how to write a young hero team dynamic while having good writing as well as comedy. It showed me how to make good characters. It was the first DC show I really got attached to.Justice League didn’t really appeal to me, so I went with the Titans. I can really credit IT for making me consider DC to be have my favorite heroes. It helped make me who I am in terms of a writer. I still hold a special place in my heart for it.”
“Now, I’m not against making a superhero comedy show.” Steel said, “But there are two main problems with the show. The first one is that the humor isn’t funny. That’s bad enough. But the second one is the bigger sin to me: it attached everything bad about it to that show that I love. That show that I have fond memories of. That show that I watched all the time when I was in a place that had cable or when it was on Kids WB. That show that helped build my idea of superheroing. To me, that is far worse than any bit of bad writing or any out of character moment. That is why it’s truly sickening to me.”
Number 2...
OTD: Digimon the Movie
I'm...surprised as to how much I LIKE this review. I DIDN'T expect it to make the Top Five, let alone this close to the top. But, when I examine it...it really started making sense. I had some pretty good jokes as well as the introduction of the character Kent Rite. It would've been easy to just make him a stereotypical Hollywood exec who's only in it for the money, but instead I think he comes off more as a person who WANTS to make good movies, but gets caught up in the commercialism and winds up going in way over his head, which is probably the more accurate portrayal.
“While I like these songs, I have to ask...what’s the point?” Steel asked, “They come in, don’t match, and end just as soon as they start.”
“Like you said earlier, marketing.” Kent replied, “That and I wound up putting my mix CD on random and just threw in whatever I came across.”
“Sounds about right.” Steel shrugged.
--
(The two riding on Raidramon’s back while the song “Hey Digimon” plays.)
A look of terror crossed Steel’s face.
“Oh no...not that song...n-not that!” Steel said, “Every fight scene, without fail, that SONG SHOWED UP! IT ONLY EVER FIT TWO SCENES IN THE ENTIRE FIRST SERIES! WHY USE THAT WHEN OTHER, MORE ENERGIZED TUNES ARE AT YOUR DISPOSAL?!”
Steel’s going through what can only be described as a Vietnam Flashback at the moment. Please Stand By...
I think I also had some really well-thought-out bits where I point out how the thought process behind it was fault. Because...I was right. My friend, Geek, told me to seeing the movie as a kid while knowing nothing about Digimon and that everything in the movie kind of went over his head.
“Well, most of the people seeing this would be families whose children liked the series, so I figured I wouldn’t have much to say.” Kent said.
“You thought wrong then.” Steel said, “When you release something to a wide audience, like say a MOVIE of a cartoon, then you’ll have to deal with people who have no idea what the series is. If you don’t explain anything and just HOPE that the kids can explain it, you get twenty-five percent on RottenTomatoes and a fanbase in denial about whether or not the movie exists!”
So...yeah. Re-examining my childhood without the rose-tinted glasses, resulting in an entertaining review.
Number 1...
OTD: Amazing Spider-Man 2 part 1
OTD: Amazing Spider-Man 2 part 2
Yeah...this turned out to be my favorite review this year. And I think I know WHY. It's the review that had the most thought put into it and where I hit the best points--the sketches were good, the humor was good, and even managed to include some well-thought-out criticisms and points that had to be taken into account. Add that with an ending that's both hilarious and kind of touching and I think that sums why I enjoy these so much.
The humor addressed many points from the blatant commercialization of this franchise, the need to appeal rather than entertain, and the obvious attempt to do what Marvel Studios did with The Avengers. Even without that, there are still some pretty good jokes. My favorites are the ones where I assume Spider-Man's just gone crazy instead of most of the scenes being metaphorical. Let's be honest, it DID seem more like he was nuts.
The sketches were also funny, ranging from the executives (who seem to be MORE sane than Steel, oddly enough) to just the idea of Sonytown in general, explaining how they handle video games real well while their movie business pretty much banks on Spider-Man...and James Bond, but I didn't know that at the time.
Where I feel it REALLY shines is explaining how the concepts and their future plans are all BAD. From their misguided attempt to make a cinematic universe to the idea that Peter Parker is the only person who CAN be Spider-Man (which is WHY I reviewed it so soon after its release on DVD) to the Sinister Six being reduced to Oscorp lackeys rather than their own characters.
But...without a doubt, my favorite part is the ending. Where I simultaneously point out the negatives and positives of Spider-Man's current position, concluding on a hilarious bit of insanity that I'm still not sure where it came from.
Steel sighed in defeat at that point, “Guess he’s right. What good’s one review gonna do? No one’s gonna listen. They’ll keep feeding the studio and will, inevitably, get more stupid movies.”
“That’s not true, Tohokari-Steel.”
All heads turned to the elevator door to see Stan Lee step in.
“STAN LEE?” everyone asked.
“It’s true that most people will eat up anything that has a superhero name on it, good or bad.” Stan said, walking over, “And it’s true that something bad will happen to superheroes, be it bad movies, lousy shows, or just horrible stories in general. But there is SOMETHIN’ you can do. You can FIND and PROMOTE the good material.”
Right then and there, the entire room seemed to brighten a bit (to Mephisto’s chagrin).
“You...mean like GraphicAudio’s awesome production of Spider-Man: Drowned in Thunder?” Steel asked.
“Exactly like that!” Stan nodded, “Find the good stuff and spread it around as well as say why the bad stuff is bad. If people’s standards are heightened, the writer’s will have to try that much harder to please ‘em. And you might, MIGHT see a rise in quality.”
“Wow...I never thought of it like that. Thanks, Mr. Lee!” Steel smiled, “Can I have an autograph?”
“Not now, Steel, I’ve got a devil to fight.” Stan Lee said, walking over.
“Huh?” Steel asked.
“It’s time we settle this, once and for all, Mephisto.” Stan said, looking Mephisto right in the eye.
“Oh, what are YOU going to do, Old Man?” Mephisto asked, mockingly, “I could snap your frail body like a twi-”
At point, Stan grabbed either side of his collar and ripped his shirt off. Oddly enough, what was beneath it was a muscular body of similar proportion to Mike Haggar.
“Wow, Mr. Lee is RIPPED.” Dez commented, everyone staring with wide-eyed shock at this development.
With a mighty roar, Stan Lee threw himself at Mephisto. The two then vanished into a fight cloud with sound-effects that indicated a fight was happening within. The six gathered simply watched.
“Well, this seems like a nice Non-Sequitor to end on.” Steel said, “I’m Tohokari-Steel...”
“I’m Sarge Ray...”
“I’m Lunatic the Plot Hole...”
“I’m UniversalStudiosGeek...”
“I’m Dezblade...”
“I’m Kitten Hachi-chan...”
“THIS was Outta the DVD...” Steel said.
“And we’re OUTTA HERE.” All of them concluded.
“Let’s get the heck outta here.” Ray said, leading the group.
“Yeah, let’s watch a better movie.” Kitty said.
“How about Guardians of the Galaxy?” Geek asked.
“Oh, I LOVED THAT MOVIE!” Steel exclaimed.
“YEAH!” Dez grinned.
“WOO-HOO!” Loon whooped.
The group left, leaving the demonic entity to wrestle around with the found of Marvel.
“EXCELSIOR!” Stan exclaimed before pile-driving Mephisto into the ground.
So, with that said...I think it's kind of understandable as to why I consider this to be the best review I've done this year. Have any reviews or moments that you like? Leave 'em in the comments and let me know!
I'm Tohokari-Steel and Happy 2015, folks!
...Oh, and before I forget, here's the subject of the annual three brothers review!
(WARNING: When it comes out, our thoughts might not be what you think they are.)
