OTD: Reviews Are Critical 3 2/2

Geek shook his head as he came to in the middle of a dark cave, Twilight’s horn providing the only source of light.

“Hello?” she called, “Is anyone there?”

“Y’know, maybe I’m new to this whole ‘rescuing’ thing...” said a familiar voice. Steel stepped out, a disgruntled look on his face, “But this, to me, seems like a bit of a step BACKWARDS, wouldn’t you say?”

“STEEL!” Geek exclaimed, rushing over to his friend and hugging him tightly, “What happened, man?”

“I was investigating around the castle, but caught Cadance doing something.” Steel said, “When I came for a closer look, she spotted me, called me too nosy, swiped my weapons pouch, and shoved me down here.”

“Usually how it goes.” Geek said, “But where’s ‘here’?”

“The caves beneath Canterlot.” Replied a familiar voice. The three jumped as all the crystals in the room were filled with Cadance’s reflections, “Once home to greedy unicorns who wanted to claim the gems that could be found inside.”

“Okay, this is freaky.” Steel commented as he and Geek backed up against each other while Twilight retreated.

“And now, your prison.” Cadance concluded.

“HELP! HELP!” Twilight called.

“That’s not gonna work.” Steel said, “I tried it for hours, no one came.”

“No one will hear you and no one will think to look for you, either.” Cadance taunted.

“Told ya.” Steel said.

“Most ponies have forgotten that these caves exist.” Cadance said, “Which is why they’re the place to keep the ones who interfere with my plans.”

“Plans?” Twilight asked as the Cadance reflections burst into laughter.

“The plans I have for your brother, of course.” Cadance answered.

“Please, it’s pronounced...OF COURSE.” Geek said, doing his best M. Bison impression. This earned him a scolding look from Steel, “Sorry. Expressing fear with humor.”

“Don’t you dare do ANYTHING to my brother, you...you MONSTER!” Twilight shouted.

“The only way to stop me is to catch me!” Cadance said in a teasing voice before vanishing and reappearing in other crystals, which Twilight blasted with magic.

“Y’know, she’s just messing with you.” Steel said.

However, one crystal Twilight blasted revealed a small cave, where there was (surprisingly enough) a rather ruffled-looking Cadance.

“No, WAIT!” Cadance shouted as Twilight tackled her. She cowered, “Please, don’t hurt me...” she then looked up and smiled, “Twilight. It’s me! Please, you have to believe me! I’ve been imprisoned, like you.”

“Yeah, kinda encountered her when trying to find a way out.” Steel commented, “In retrospect, I probably should’ve filled you in about that.”

“The Cadance who imprisoned you here is an imposter.” Cadance said.

“Likely story.” Twilight snarled.

“Sunshine, sunshine, lady bug’s awake.” Cadance sang, “Clap your hooves...”

“And do a little shake.” The two finished in unison.

“Still makes NO sense.” Steel said before asking, “Hey, Geek, how’d YOU get down here?”

“I...saw the other Cadance warp Twilight down here.” Geek replied.

“Of course.” Steel growled, smacking his face with his hoof, “Yeah, I get shoved down here for sticking my nose too deep into this and YOU because you happened to be a witness. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo.” He then sighed, “Sorry, man. It’s just...I thought I was onto something and you wouldn’t believe me. I know I can be a jerk, but...I dunno, sometimes I guess I still need support from my friends.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Geek said, nodding with an ashamed look, “But...maybe if you were a little nicer, people would be willing to believe you.”

“Fair point.” Steel conceded. He held his hoof out, “We cool?”

“Arctic, dude!” Geek exclaimed, tackling Steel and giving him a noogie.

“Okay, okay, ENOUGH!” Steel shouted, Geek letting go, “One step at a time!”

This was interrupted by the other Cadance’s laughter.

“We have to get out.” Twilight said, running out of the cave, “We have to stop her.”

“Hey, we’re chroniclers, so we’ll have to help out!” Steel shouted, running after them, Geek in hot pursuit.

“You DO know a way out, right?” Geek asked.

“Geek, if I knew the way out, would I REALLY still be down here?” Steel asked in return.

“Point taken.” Geek simply said.

The group came to a mine-cart. Cadance tried pushing it down, but couldn’t. Twilight smiled as she moved the rubble out of the way. Cadance hopped in as Twilight pushed it down, jumping in the cart. Steel got onto Geek’s back as the two began flying down after them, Geek humming the Donkey Kong theme. The railway ended and they flew through the air (literally). However, they quickly arrived at a dead end.

“We’re never going to save him.” Cadance wept into the stone wall.

“We will.” Twilight said, “We just have to find...”

Twilight then noticed something and looked up. Steel sniffled tears of joy.

“A way out.” The critic said with a smile.

With a burst of magic, the group appeared on the ledge...only to be confronted by several mares with glowing, green eyes.

“You’re not going anywhere.” They said in unison, in an almost zombie-like fashion.

---

“Princess Cadance and Shining Armor.” Celestia said, in front of the entire ceremony, “I now pronounce you-”

“STOP!” screamed Twilight as she ran in with Steel and Geek.

“I OBJECT!” Geek shouted.

“Dude, you missed that part.” Steel stated.

“Nuts.” Geek swore.

“Ugh, why does she have to be SO possessive of her brother?” Cadance asked, irritably, “And what’s with those other two? One’s a nosy stalker and the other’s a weirdo.”

“Hey!” Steel shouted, “I am NOT a stalker!”

“Notice that he doesn’t object to being called nosy.” Geek said to the reader.

Cadance then noticed the other ponies before weeping and asking, tearfully, “I mean...why do they have to ruin my special day?”

“Because it’s not YOUR special day.” Geek said as he and Steel parted, showing the other Cadance.

“It’s MINE.” the other Cadance stated. The gathered party gasped in shock at that point.

“How did you escape my bridesmaids?” The first Cadance demanded.

“Let’s just say they’re a few elements short of harmony.” Geek said.

(A few minutes earlier...)

The bridesmaids were advancing on the group. However, Geek pulled out a bouquet and grinned. Cadance took it with her magic and waved it around their heads. This caught their attention. Cadance then tossed it away, the bridesmaids following after it with a unified, rather excited “I WANT IT!”.

“Nice going.” Steel said.

The group promptly took off.

(current time...)

“Clever.” The first Cadance said, “But you’re still too late.”

“Ya know what I DON’T understand?” Steel asked.

“What?” Geek asked.

“How can there be TWO Cadances?” Steel asked.

“I dunno.” Geek admitted, “I’ve just been rolling with it. But, now that you bring it up...”

“She’s a changeling.” Cadance said, “She takes the form of somepony you love and gains power, feeding off your love for them.”

“So, she LITERALLY feeds on love?” Steel asked.

“Sounds about right.” Geek answered.

At that point, the first Cadance’s eyes began glowing green along with her horn. Immediately, a burst of light consumed her and she began to change. Her wings turned ragged and transparent, her legs became hole-ridden and gangly, her horn turned jagged and pitch black, her body turned a shade of black, and her mane became oily and turned a blueish color. She opened her eerie, green eyes and mouth with two, sharp fangs in it and laughed.

“Right you are, princess.” The changeling laughed in a distorted voice, “And as queen of the Changelings, it is up to me to find food for my subjects.”

“Still a better evil plan than Belladonna’s.” Steel snarked, referring back to his review of The All Dogs Go To Heaven Christmas Special.

"Heh. I just realized. She's a horsefly!" Geek chuckled.

“Equestria has more love in it than any area I’ve ever encountered.” The changeling said, walking over to Cadance, “My fellow changelings will be able to devour so much of it that we will gain more power than we have ever dreamed of!”

“You’ll never get the chance.” Cadance said, defiantly, “Shining Armor’s protection spell will keep them from even reaching us!”

The changeling’s response was to laugh before saying, “Oh, I doubt THAT. Isn’t that right, dear?”

Shining Armor, still entranced, simply nodded. Steel and Geek made to charge, but the Changeling’s horn glowed, threateningly.

“Wouldn’t want to go back to the cave now, would you?” She asked, “To think you could have stopped this, but that single blunder made everything fall apart.”

Steel glowered at that point.

“I’ve been feeding off Shining Armor’s love for Cadance.” The Changeling said, walking over to him, “Every moment he grows weaker, so does his spell. Now, my minions are chipping away at it.”

Geek glanced upwards and saw several hundred black insect-like creatures stomping on the shield. "Huh…you'd think someone would have noticed that." he calmly noted.

“He may not be my husband, but he is under my total control now.” The Changeling said.

“Just saying, it sounds like he’s already married.” Geek said. Steel made no reaction to that.

“And, I’m sorry to say, unable to perform his duties as Captain of the Royal Guard.” The Changeling concluded.

“Not my Shining Armor!” Cadance shouted.

“Soon, my army will be here.” The Changeling said, “First, we take over Canterlot, then ALL of Equestria!”

“No.” Celestia said, walking up, “You won’t. You may have made it impossible for Shining Armor to perform his spell, but now that you have so foolishly revealed your true self...” the two clashed horns before Celestia flew into the air, firing a blast of light at the Changeling, “I can protect my subjects from YOU.”

The Changeling fired a burst of green energy from her horn and the two blasts collided. The Changeling’s face screwed up as the green beam began to push the light beam back. A look of shock spread across Celestia’s face before the blast hit her, sending her crown flying and her to the ground, motionless.

The two chroniclers stared, shocked at that.

“Dude...” Steel simply said.

“PRINCESS CELESTIA!” Twilight yelled as she and her five friends ran to the Princess’ unconscious form.

“Shining Armor’s love for you is even stronger than I thought.” The Changeling said, a look of wicked glee appearing on her face as she flew into the air, “Consuming it has made me even more powerful than Celestia!”

“The Elements of Harmony...” Celestia said, weakly, “You must get to them and use their power to defeat the queen.”

The Mane Six nodded before flinging off their dresses (Rarity briefly stopping to try and catch them) before running off. The Changeling laughed out loud before saying, “You can run, but you can’t hide!”

Steel looked around before his horn glowed. A pouch flew out of the garden and attached itself around his waist.

“Why’d you get THAT?” Geek asked as the two ran off after the six.

“If they can make themselves look like anyone, they might be able to make themselves look like me.” Steel said, “It might work on the genetic level, too. So, they could be able to get into our world. Better safe than sorry.”

Geek then took off, Steel grabbing onto his tail as the Changelings smashed through the barrier, destroying it. The two spotted the Mane Six being cornered by the changelings, facing an entire army of them.

“Dude, we’ve gotta save ‘em!” Geek yelled.

“Any ideas?” Steel asked.

“Well, how about distracting them?” Geek asked, flying towards the ground.

“Okay, which would you prefer?” Steel asked, “Musical number or dressing in drag and doing a hula?”

A few seconds later...

“Those weren’t the ONLY two options.” Steel said as he wheeled around, clad in a grass skirt with a flower in his hair, “LUAU!”

This got the attention of a good number of Changelings. Steel began dancing next to Geek, who was on a large, white plate and had an apple in his mouth.

“If you’re hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat,” Steel sang, “Eat my buddy Geek, ‘cuz his brain is a beet! Come on down and dine on this stupid swine! All ya gotta do is get in line!” Many of the Changelings began walking towards them, malicious looks on their faces, “Is what ya need...”

“Yep, yep, yep.” Geek nodded.

“A hunk o’ horse meat?”

“Yep, yep, yep.”

“He’s big as a pig!”

“Yep, yep, yep.” Geek grinned, shaking his rump.

“You can be a big pig, too. OI!” Steel concluded. The two then screamed before running off, the Changelings in hot pursuit.

“WE’RE NEVER BRINGING THIS UP AGAIN!” Steel screamed as the two led the Changelings away from the Mane Six. It wasn’t the ENTIRE force, but enough to make sure they weren’t over-powered. Steel then screeched to a halt before reaching into his pouch with magic and pulling out his crossbow, “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!”

“Hey, ya got something for me?” Geek asked.

“Sure, here ya go.” Steel said, tossing Geek a sword. The pegasus caught it in his mouth and began slashing at them. Eventually, the Changelings were beaten and lay at their feet. The two then sidled up, side-by-side with intense looks on their face as the theme from Pulp Fiction began playing from...somewhere.

“Taste the rainbow, motherbucker.” The two said.

Their moment of triumph was cut short, however, by more changelings arriving.

“You mean that Crowning Moment of Awesome was for nothing?” Geek asked.

“Looks like it.” Steel sighed.

The two were captured and dragged back to the throne room. There, they saw Celestia in a cocoon of sorts, Cadance trapped to the floor by some substance, and the weakened Shining Armor still standing in place.

“Well, this is embarrassing.” Steel commented.

“You’ll never get away with this!” Cadance shouted, “Twilight and her friends will-”

At that point, the Changelings flew back in, carrying the Mane Six.

“Doubly so.” Steel said.

“You were saying...?” The Changeling Queen asked, mockingly, before talking to Twilight, “You DO realize that the reception’s been cancelled, don’t you?” She then shouted to her subjects, “GO! FEED!”

The other changelings flew out as the doors slammed shut. The queen laughed as she walked up to them, “It’s funny, really. Twilight and that other unicorn-”

“Tohokari-Steel.” Steel called, “If you’re gonna taunt me, at least acknowledge my name.”

“They were suspicious of my behavior all along.” The queen said, ignoring Steel, “Too bad the rest of you were too caught up in your wedding planning to realize those suspicions were correct.”

“Oh sure, rub it in our faces.” Geek said.

“Sorry, Twi, we shoulda listened to you.” Applejack said.

“It’s not your fault, she fooled everypony.” Twilight said.

“I did, didn’t I?” The Queen said, smugly. She turned to the window and Steel noticed the Mane Six sneaking away.

“Uh...your majesty...” Steel said, walking over, “I would like to remind you that, as a beloved movie critic from...somewhere else, I could be useful in making it easier for you to take over our land.”

“Steel, you no good, dirty...” Geek shouted. Steel shot him a quick look and gave a wink. Geek then smiled as he noticed what Steel did, “Smartest guy ever! Of course, siding with the changelings is a winning choice!”

“So, how about I show you one such way?” Steel asked, pulling out a DVD of The Last Airbender, “This is what’s called a ‘movie’, it’s what people use as a source of entertainment, complaints, and brain-rot. Here, lemme show you.”

As the six crawled across to Cadance, the movie continued to play.

“Quick.” Twilight said to Cadance in a hushed tone, “Go to him while you still have the chance.”

She sent a small blast of magic at her feet, freeing her from her bonds. She then walked over to Shining Armor. She looked at him, tearfully, before embracing him. Magic coursed through her horn and formed a heart. It flew to Shining Armor and touched him. He shook his head as his eyes returned to normal.

Meanwhile, Steel, the Queen, and Geek were still watching The Last Airbender.

“Thoughts?” Geek asked.

“The characters in this story are incredibly bland!” The queen shouted, “And the story just goes from place to place without developing anything! It’s impossible for me to get invested!”

“It gets worse if you’ve seen the show, trust me.” Steel nodded.

The Queen gave a noise of disgust before looking over and seeing that Shining Armor had broken out of his trance.

“Is the wedding over?” The guard asked.

“It’s ALL over.” The Queen said, flying over and landing in front of him.

“Quick, use your spell!” Twilight shouted.

Shining Armor strained, but the magic at the tip of his horn soon dissipated.

“I can’t...I don’t have the strength to cast the spell...” Shining Armor said in a defeated voice.

“My love will give you the strength.” Cadance said, embracing her groom.

“What a LOVELY, but ridiculous sentiment.” The Queen sneered, walking over to the window.

“Boy do I wish I had YOUR suicidal confidence.” Steel said, kicking the TV and the still-playing movie out of the window, resulting in an audible crash and the Wilhelm scream.

Shining Armor and Cadance touched their horns together, both glowing with powerful magic. The two floated into the air, the Mane Six looking joyous and the Changeling looking terrified. Steel and Geek pulled out sunglasses. The guard and princess then turned into bright light and burst out, sending the Changelings flying. Steel reached into his pouch and pulled out a camera, snapping a photo, before putting it back in.

The two landed on the ground and embraced. Twilight ran over to the freed Celestia.

“Don’t worry about me.” The princess said as Twilight helped her to her feet, “I’m fine. You have a REAL wedding to put together.”

“Fun’s over, I guess.” Steel said.

“Nope, it’s JUST BEGINNING!” Geek exclaimed, putting a hoof over Steel’s shoulder.

The two were put into their room and began putting on their tuxedos. Geek put on his bow tie before tying a red one around Steel’s neck. He then began combing back Steel’s hair.

“One, two, three...” Steel growled.

“C’mon, Steelio, ya can’t go to a wedding looking like ya just came out of the drier!” Geek grinned before getting to his own hair.

The two then looked in the mirror, looking surprisingly sharp.

“So, did Geek do a good job or did he do a good job?” Geek asked.

“I’ll admit it...ya did good, dude.” Steel said, smiling.

“Hey, I don’t think ya smiled this whole time!” Geek exclaimed, hugging Steel.

“Don’t expect it to last.” Steel said.

The two were soon standing in the main hall, waiting for the ceremony to begin. Geek began breaking into tears.

“I always get emotional at weddings...” he said with a sniff.

Steel’s grouchiness, meanwhile, seemed to have come back in force.

“WHY DID YOU DRAG ME HERE?!” he shouted, “I DON’T EVEN KNOW THESE PONIES!”

The ceremony continued, the vows were exchanged, the rings were given, Steel’s grouchiness soon evaporated, and Geek cried buckets before, during, and after the ceremony. The newlyweds looked out over the city to a thunderous applause. Celestia looked at Twilight.

“This is your victory as much as theirs.” The princess said, “You persisted in the face of doubt and brought the real Princess Cadance back to us. Learning to trust your instincts is a very valuable lesson to learn.” Celestia then looked at her two chroniclers.

“Look, I know we broke the rules.” Steel said, “We interfered with this. But, if we didn’t-”

“I know.” Celestia said, kindly, as she smiled at the two, “You had no choice. I will not scold you for that...nor will I for the last time.”

“Wait, so you KNEW about that whole...” Steel said, looking confused. Celestia nodded, “The Internet’s right. You ARE a troll.”

“What do you say about this adventure?” Celestia asked.

“Oh, it was...decent.” Steel said, “Considering the concept, it could’ve been a lot worse. There were some good moments and the villain was interesting. It’s just that it could’ve been...better. Heck, do we even know the Changeling Queen’s NAME? I mean, I know it’s Chrysalis, but she’s never named in this.”

"I  enjoyed it: awesome villain, prince and princess, true love, action and adventure, great songs; it was like a movie from the Disney Renaissance or something…but what was up with the whole ‘trust your instincts’ thing? Didn't that get Twilight ostracized by all of you? Eh, whatever…but I do have ONE request, your majesty.” Geek said.

“And what would that be?” Celestia asked.

At the reception, Pinkie and another pony named Vinyl put some records onto a DJ booth.

“Let’s get this party STARTED!” she exclaimed, tossing a mike to Twilight, who began to sing.

“Props, this IS a good song.” Steel conceded, “Well, the adventure’s over. Take me home now.”

“Okay, ‘til next time!” Geek grinned, taking out his fountain pen and using it to make a portal to send Steel back.

Love Is In Bloom

Geek’s Review:
Pros:
- Epic Disney-esque storyline
- Great Animation
- A Surprisingly Creepy Villainess
- THIS DAY ARIA
Cons:
- Celestia's moral seemed a bit forced
- It's CADENCE NOT CADANCE!
Final Score:
9.5/10
Steel’s Review:
Pros:
-Surprisingly good storyline
-Cool-looking villain
-Nice conflict
-Love Is In Bloom
Cons:
-Not as good as it could have been
-Villain not as good as Discord
Final Score: 6/10

A portal appeared and Steel stepped out, flexing his fingers. He walked out, humming Love Is In Bloom to himself before he got into the living room. He saw Tony sitting on the chair, looking through a green portal.

“Hey, stupid.” Steel said, getting the vampire’s attention, “Heh, ya looked.”

“Whadda ya want, bozo?” Tony asked, irritably.

“What’re you doing?” Steel asked.

“Nonya.” Tony said.

“Huh?” Steel asked.

“Nonya.” Tony repeated.

“What’s that?” Steel asked.

“None ya business.” Tony stated, clenching his fists as the green portal dissipated.

“Fine, BE that way.” Steel said, walking out of the room. A rainbow portal opened up and Geek burst out.

“STEEL! EMERGENCY!” Geek shouted.

“WHAT? I JUST…but you…YOU JUST GOT LEFT! WHAT NOW?” Steel yelped, completely flabbergasted.

“I know, but I'm back AND it's urgent!” Geek shouted, “EQUESTRIA'S IN DANGER! WE NEED TO LEAVE NOW!”

“Great Scott...” Steel said before falling back, having fainted.

“Eh, it’ll be easier this way.” Geek shrugged, grabbing Steel’s unconscious form and jumping back into the portal, which closed.

Back in the living room, Tony had come across the exact same scene while observing the time-stream.

“Weird.” He said, “What’s dat portal gotta do wit Steel becomin’ a dictator? Guess I’ve gotta wait an’ see...”

TO BE CONTINUED...
FOR REAL, THIS TIME.