OTD: Idiotic MarioDS Elements

Tohokari Steel in…

Outta the DVD

Today's Review…

Top Thirteen Most Idiotic MarioDS Elements

A stocky kid with rectangular glasses, a red shirt with Marvel heroes on it, and a pair of jeans was sitting on a couch.

"Hi, I'm Tohokari-Steel and welcome to Outta the DVD, where movies face my judgement." He introduced.

"Well, this time…for some unexplained reason," Steel said, "I'm NOT reviewing a movie. This time, I'm moving onto fanfiction."

"I won't be going into the good stuff because someone was cruel enough to force me to read some of the BAD stuff." Steel stated, "Instead, they've stuck me reviewing the form of torture that is MarioDS01!"

"An author who hasn't made a SINGLE good move in his entire fanfiction career, this guy just ticks me off and gives me hives every time I see one of his fics." Steel said, "And I'll be explaining it soon enough, because this is the Top Thirteen Most Idiotic MarioDS Elements. Why top thirteen? Because MarioDS is an unlucky author."

(Theme Song: "I Pray For You" by Jaron and the Long Road of Love)

Number 13…
Pairing Alvin up with EVERY Chipette

"NO, that is NOT a joke." Steel sighed, massaging his temple, "The guy's paired Alvin up with Brittany, Jeanette, AND Eleanor. Either this guy REALLY likes Alvin or he supports harem pairings."

"The reason this is low on the list is because I DON'T really care about Alvin and the Chipmunks that much. I didn't see the recent movies and I don't WANT to unless I make a review for them. I only saw two cartoons with them and they were the ones featuring the Wolfman and Frankenstein (though they WERE pretty good, I consider them to be rent movies)." Steel explained, "And that's all I've gotta say on this subject. NEXT."

Number 12…
The Link/Ruto Pairing

"Yes, MarioDS is a fan of this pairing." Steel said, "I know this has SOME support online, but I'm just baffled as to WHY people support this pairing in the first place."

"I've always been more in the Link/Zelda kinda crowd." Steel said, "I'm neutral about Link/Malon and Link/Saria (provided that it's YOUNG Link who goes with Saria). However, I DETEST this pairing. Why? I'll tell ya why!"

"Ruto is a ZORA, not a HYLIAN." Steel stated, "They're two COMPLETELY different species in the Ocarina of Time universe. And don't go calling me racist because of this. I have NOTHING against interracial couples. I have friends who were in an interracial relationship or had parents from different races. I actually think it's a GOOD thing."

"The reason I don't think that this will work is fairly simple—RUTO IS A FISH WOMAN!" Steel shouted, "So, I kinda consider this to fall into the bestiality category. JUST IMAGINE WHAT THE KIDS WILL LOOK LIKE!"

Steel waited, but no clip came.

"Hello? Isn't there gonna be some disturbing clip?" Steel asked.

(Mr. Freeze: Kick some ICE!)

"ICE PUNS!" Steel screamed before falling down.

Number 11…
Pokemorph Pairings

"Ugh, look what I have to put up with…" Steel groaned, massaging his temples.

"For those of you who don't know, Pokemorphs are part human part Pokemon." Steel explained, "In the FAF universe, they look like regular humans with a few minor physical attributes of Pokemon (thank you Roscoso for making it like that). But in most cases, they're your average anthropomorphic Pokemon."

"And for reasons that completely baffle me, MarioDS thinks it's okay to pair them up with REGULAR people!" Steel said before screaming, "THAT IS NOT CUTE! THAT IS FREAKIN' BESTIALITY!"

"We can forgive the Link/Ruto pairing, stupid as it may be, because Ruto is still mostly human." Steel said, "But just because they have a humanoid build doesn't mean that it's okay for a regular human being to be making out with it! The Greeks said it was wrong, most people would probably say it's wrong, I say it's wrong, and my God says it's wrong!"

"It's the equivalent of me pairing my fanfiction insert up with a human girl!" TS snapped.

(TLxHanabi)

Steel simply gave a flat look before saying, "Moving on."

Number 10…
Bowser's Magic from "Peach: Koopa Princess"

"Alright, lemme just sum up this story for ya—Bowser kidnaps Peach (big surprise) and uses his magic to turn her into a Koopa." Steel said, "A good concept, but it's from MarioDS01, so you can tell that it's quickly destroyed."

"In the fic, Bowser claims that the spell cannot be reversed and Peach is trapped in the Koopa form forever." Steel said, "Well, if THAT'S true, BOWSER must be the only dang magic-user in the Mario universe! I've seen a LOT of guys use magic in the Mario universe (in particular, the Paper Mario games)!"

"So, you're saying that these guys are either not gonna do it or the guys in Mushroom Kingdom are too retarded to ever ASK THEM?!" Steel demanded, "THAT IS AN ABSOLUTELY STUPID IDEA! Either way, the guys are either jerks or idiots!"

"'But wait!' the story told me," Steel said, "'Mario STILL marries Peach, despite her being a Koopa!'. I'm not gonna go into a rant, but I'll simply thank MarioDS for telling us that he thinks Mario's into bestiality. GET SOME PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE, BUB!"

Number 9…
The Originality from "Brenna 10"

"Alright, so MarioDS made an alternate fic where Ben Tennyson was a girl instead of a boy and was set-up as a tie-in to his Ben 10 Gender Bend fic." Steel said, "You'll hear about that in a minute. NOW, I get to rip THIS to pieces."

"If you read the single chapter he wrote, you can tell he was just copy-pasting from the original episode's script." Steel said, "There is NO originality! The ENTIRE chapter is predictable to you if you've watched the first episode! Nothing different happens! Ben's just got boobs!"

"I mean, SERIOUSLY, my first parody had more originality than this!" Steel shouted, "And considering it was a shameless attempt to try and rip off Kingdom Hearts along with combining Digimon Frontier elements, that's really saying something."

Number 8…
Hitmonchan's Gender Bend from "Ash to Ashley"

"As one can tell from the title, this mainly revolves around gender bending Ash Ketchum from Pokemon." Steel said, "But THAT'S not the worst part. It pairs him up with Gary, but THAT'S not the worst part. It has Ash decide to NOT go back to being a boy, but that's STILL not the worst part. The WORST part was when AFTER Ash decided not to regain his manhood!"

"Ash caught a Hitmonchan and let it out so that IT can be gender bended." Steel said, "WHY? Because it was wearing a SKIRT. I never got into that myself, but that's a pretty retarded reason. It's not a human! Why should you even CARE?!"

"But the formula goes wrong and turns Hitmonchan into a female Pokemorph." Steel said, "WHY? Because it was designed for HUMANS."

(Hitler: Of course! Don't you know anything about SCIENCE?!)

(With apologies to Linkara)

"And the Hitmonchan gains the ability of human speech, takes on the name of Helen, and goes off on her OWN Pokemon journey. What was the point of this plot-thread?" Steel asked.

(Mr. Krabs: NOTHING!)

"You could pretty much make TRADING CARDS out of how many pointless moments there are in MarioDS fics!" Steel shouted.

(This month's card: Hitmonchan becomes a female Pokemorph!)

Number 7…
The Triforce of Love

"Oh, look. It's another Zelda element." Steel said, "I've seen this so many times on fanfiction where there's a mystical FOURTH part of the Triforce, so I'm just gonna make this clear, folks."

"THE TRIFORCE ONLY HAS THREE PARTS!" he shouted, "'TRI-force' indicates that there are only THREE parts to it: wisdom, courage, and power, owned by Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf! These three are linked FOR ETERNITY by the three goddesses, Din, Farore, and Nayru! And it's showed in SEVERAL Zelda games!"

"But wait, THERE'S MORE." Steel deadpanned, "Guess who the OWNER of this Triforce is! Is it…"

A. Malon
B. Nabooru
C. Saria
D. Ruto

"If you guessed D, NO FREAKIN' DUH!" Steel shouted, "And, like in his OTHER fics, he wants to portray EVERY girl (except the FISH GIRL) as an INSENSITIVE, SEX-DRIVEN JACKAL!"

"It's like he's TRYING to insult us ZeLink people!" Steel shouted, "I hate people who use fanfiction to bash another person's opinion. Example: in the game series Kingdom Hearts, I prefer the Sora/Kairi pairing over the Riku/Kairi pairing. But you don't see ME bashing the latter pairing or portraying Riku as a jerk! I actually TRY making Riku as likeable as possible and a brother figure to both Sora AND Kairi. I may DISAGREE with the pairing, but I won't THRASH people for supporting it! They're ALLOWED to support this pairing as long as they make it genuinely believable and keep the characters IN-CHARACTER!"

"But, apparently, that doesn't compute to MarioDS01 because he's AN IDIOT WHOSE SOLE REASON FOR EXISTENCE IS TO RUIN BELOVED FRANCHISES!" Steel shouted.

Number 6…
Timmy Losing Cosmo and Wanda from "Trixie's True Self"

"Yes, if you read Insane Critic's review of this fic, you'll know that I HATE this along with Loony AND Angelic Soldier." Steel stated, "So, let's go over this."

"Timmy has to give up his Fairy Godparents." Steel said, "Why? Because he made a wish that DIDN'T backfire. THAT'S THE POINT OF THE SERIES! Timmy makes wishes that backfire so he can learn a valuable lesson about life while causing humorous chaos!"

"And besides, Butch Hartman has given a few reasons as to HOW you can lose your fairies." Steel said, "ONE, you have to openly admit that you HAVE fairy godparents to another person (this didn't happen in the fic). TWO, you have to out-grow them and stop believing in fairies (this didn't happen in the fic, either)."

"And, as if messing up THIS part of the Fairly Oddparents continuity wasn't enough, MarioDS has Timmy STILL REMEMBER THEM AND THE FAIRY UNIVERSE!" Steel shouted, "As explained in an episode, AFTER you lose your fairy godparents, ALL EVIDENCE YOU HAVE OF THEM AND ALL YOUR MEMORIES OF THEM DISAPPEAR!"

"Besides, Timmy's LOST Cosmo and Wanda before and he was either torn-up about it or found a clever way to get them back." Steel said, "But that's NOT how MarioDS portrays it! He's FINE, DESPITE having lost the best friends he's had outside Chester and AJ! MarioDS isn't trying to RESPECT Fairly Oddparents, HE'S TRYING TO DESTROY IT!"

Number 5…
The Villains from "Trixie's True Self 2: Tootie's Revenge" and "Life Changing Time Alteration"

"Not only is MarioDS unable to write proper romance, he's unable to write good VILLAINS." Steel said, "I've read a few of his fics and I only found TWO with original villains—'Trixie's True Self 2: Tootie's Revenge' and 'Life Changing Alteration'. Their villains were Rose and Chroma…and they both were unbelievably TERRIBLE."

"First come, first served." Steel said, "Rose is a COMPLETELY bland villain. She doesn't ANY good motivation, next to NO backstory, and NO subtlety. Why don't you just describe her with a curly mustache to go with her 'evil stepmother' outlook?!"

"The other villain, Chroma from 'Life Changing Time Alteration' is JUST as bland!" Steel growled, "She's a time-traveling supervillain, which is a good concept to be sure, but it's a MarioDS character. So, flush your hopes down the toilet. In the TWO chapters she's included in, her appearance isn't described in ANY way. For all I know, she could look like the lady in a Wii Remote suit from 'Nintendo Week' on the Nintendo Channel. She didn't really get that much dialogue and all she did was turn Ben into a girl and then turned herself in!"

"THAT…MAKES…NO…SENSE!" Steel roared, "And, to show what REAL talent looks like, I'm gonna compare these two to some of the BETTER villains I've read in fanfiction."

"Cepheus from 'Rise of the Celestials'. HIS motivation is that he sees everything as corrupt except for himself, due to millennia of life." Steel explained, "This leads to a god-complex and makes him believe that everything else in the universe is unclean and deserves to be destroyed."

"Silencer from 'The Howling'. He's a blood-thirsty werewolf who wants to wipe out all of humanity." Steel continued, "This fits because he's NOT human and adds a level of horror to his character because he seems more like a force of NATURE rather than a human being."

"The Face from Lunatic's mindset. He's a psychopathic killer, but he's a more realistic villain because of his mood-swings." Steel continued, "This ranges from him being funny and likeable to…pretty dang disturbing at times. Granted, he started as a Joker rip-off, but he shed that skin and became his own character in time."

"The Incompletes from 'Kingdom Hearts III: Hearts of Gold'. Their goal is to destroy the entire universe." Steel continued, "WHY? Because they're composed of Heartless, Nobodies, and Soul Barren. They want to destroy the universe because they believe they're (literally) NOTHING and that NOTHING should exist."

"MAKE YOUR VILLAINS DEEP!" Steel shouted, "MAKE THEM INTERESTING! And, above all, MAKE THEM LIKEABLE!"

(POOF!)

Rose suddenly appeared and asked, "Did somebody question my authenticity as a villain?"

"Oh, c'mon, Rose." Steel stated, "You're about as subtle as a freakin' atomic explosion…at a train wreck."

"Oh, I can name a few differences between me and these OTHER villains." Rose replied.

"You mean BESIDES your total lack of depth and motivation?" Steel asked.

"I try to kill people with NINJAS." Rose replied, emphasizing the word 'ninjas'.

"Well, all these other villains wanna kill people." Steel said.

"But not with NINJAS!" Rose countered.

"Jeez, y'know what you need, Rose?" Steel asked.

"Does it involve ninjas?" Rose asked.

"No. BE SUBTLE, DEEP, AND INTERESTING!" Steel shouted, "Make people THINK you're either non-existent, nice, or someone COMPLETELY different."

Rose simply said, "I think you missed the boat on those."

"Y'know, forget it. This is like talking to a cinderblock." Steel muttered.

"WAIT! THERE'S SOMETHING I MUST TELL YOU! SOMETHING THAT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KNOW!" Rose demanded.

"What?" Steel asked, nonchalantly.

"Trixie is a TOMBOY!" Rose exclaimed.

Steel sighed before pulling out his automatic crossbow and opening-fire on Rose, causing her to scream as she ran away.

Number 4…
The Magic Well from "Sonic's Wish: Female Sonic/Female Knuckles"

"Yes, this appeared on TWO occasions, people." Steel said, "And I'll give credit to MarioDS for consistency—it's just as STUPID on BOTH occasions."

"So, the first time, Sonic wishes that Knuckles didn't have so much of an attitude and this well turned Knuckles into a GIRL instead of just changing his personality (which would've made a heck of a lot more sense)." Steel said, "Lemme guess. Knuckles falls for Sonic?"

(BINGO)

"CRAP!" Steel swore, "Way to ruin my favorite Sonic character, GENIUS."

"The other time, Sonic wishes Tails had a girlfriend and…it turns HIM into a girl." Steel said, "Wouldn't it be easier for a girlfriend to just conveniently show up for your little buddy?"

"And the well has no history. It's just…THERE. Are we supposed to believe it was ALWAYS magical?" Steel asked, "Y'know what? I'm just gonna make a phone call to MarioDS."

Steel pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number. Someone apparently answered.

"Hello, MarioDS01? This is Tohokari-Steel. I was just wondering HOW and WHY the well turned Sonic and Knuckles into girls when there were obviously more options." Steel said. There was an inaudible reply as Steel repeated, "It's magic, therefore you don't HAVE to explain it?" Steel then shouted, "THAT'S JUST LAZY WRITING!"

Steel slammed the phone shut before throwing it away, causing a very loud CRASH.

BONK!

"OW!" Cooly shouted before exclaiming, "A free phone? TOTALLY RADICAL, DUDE!"

Number 3…
Ben's Time-Travel Gender Bend from "Life Changing Time Alteration"

"So, it starts off with Chroma…"

(static)

"DUUUUDE!" Cooly exclaimed, "Chroma is AWESOME, MAN! She's got…no description and…no real motivation…" Cooly stopped before asking, "Wait, what?"

(static)

"I'll ignore that." Steel said, "It starts off with Chroma robbing a bank and Ben stopping her as XLR8. He damages her suit and gets zapped. He then finds himself as a girl and…making out with Kevin?"

(NC as Tommy Wiseau: Okay, this is starting to sound strange…)

"And no one seems to think much of the changes." Steel said, "You wanna know WHY? Are you SURE? It'll make absolutely NO SENSE. What? YOU DO? Okay, don't say I didn't warn you…"

"No one notices the changes because Chroma CHANGED HISTORY SO THAT BEN WAS BORN A GIRL NAMED BRENNA." Steel said, "THIS MAKES NO SENSE! I know that's a common phrase for MarioDS fics, but stop and think about it."

"There's no real HISTORICAL way you're gender is selected. You can't be born a different gender just by CHANGING a few things!" Steel shouted, "Your gender is chosen WHEN YOU'RE CONCEIVED. You'd have to alter the chromosome inside the sperm that was injected into your mother!"

(Ed Wood: You amaze me. Haven't you ever heard of 'suspension of disbelief'?)

"And, even ignoring that, WOULDN'T KEVIN TECHNICALLY BE THE SAME?!" Steel demanded, "This isn't 'Twilight', where normality can be exchanged for two hot people making out! This is 'Ben 10', the show ALL ABOUT being responsible, modest, and being a good person, all-in-all!"

"MARIODS01, YOU…ARE…A…HACK!" Steel screamed.

Number 2…
The Adults Becoming Kids from "Trixie's True Self 2: Tootie's Revenge"

"Oh look, another plot-thread from a MarioDS fic that's…ENTIRELY POINTLESS!" Steel exclaimed.

(POINTLESS MO-MENT!)

"Insane Critic already tore this one apart, so I'll just be brief." Steel said, "It's about as detached from reality as Twilight and has absolutely NO impact on the storyline as a whole."

"So, there's a small fight between Tootie and two guards. Somehow, she sprinkles a magic powder on them that turns them into ten-year-olds." Steel explained, "If you want to know WHY, I refer you to my phone call with the author. The guards run off and when we see them again, they're acting like it's SUCH a good thing and Timmy decides to leave them like that."

"Well, thanks for being a complete JERKWAD, BUB!" Steel growled, "If they wound up in a cruel orphanage or wind up on the streets, unable to fend for themselves, you'd probably STILL think that was a good choice."

"Not only do they have to go through puberty a SECOND time, they'd STILL be in a bad position." Steel says, "I know this is gonna sound insane to someone like MarioDS, but EIGHT YEARS IS A LONG TIME! They'll be trapped in those kid bodies for an EXTREMELY LONG TIME! WHY did you think it was a good idea?! I know that they wanted different jobs, but the real world doesn't WORK LIKE THAT! You can just QUIT your job and apply somewhere else! Y'know, LIKE HOW INSANE CRITIC PUT IT!"

And the Number 1 Most Idiotic MarioDS Element is…
ALL of his Gender Bends

"His gender bends are absolute MAGGOT-CRAP." Steel stated, "They would be able to make DESERT SAND even less fertile than it already is! THEY ARE GARBAGE!"

"Why?! Because THIS basically sums it all up!" Steel growled, "A guy becomes a girl and she doesn't know WHY. She tries to find a cure, finds a hot guy, FINDS a cure, and doesn't take it, instead opting for making out with the guy. The readers NEVER find out WHY the guy swapped genders. MarioDS thinks it's good. Everyone else knows different."

"THERE! THAT'S IT!" Steel screamed, "IT'S PREDICTABLE, IT'S POORLY-WRITTEN, IT'S STUPID, AND  IT'S ABSOLUTELY BLAND!"

"NOW, because I have to promote some GOOD material, track down the fanfiction 'You're Still Annoying' by Teh Pocky Ninja." Steel said, "Where all the ninjas in Konoha are gender-bended, only it's well-written, funny, cute, the pairings are STILL straight, and everyone changes back to their original genders in the end!"

"So, that's it. The Top Thirteen Most Idiotic MarioDS Elements." Steel said, "Crappity-crap-crap-crap."

"It's so hard to believe that these even EXIST. And, I know some of you are gonna think I'm insane, but…" Steel said before taking a deep breath and continuing, "Some of them are actually worth reading. They're some of those fics that you need to SEE to BELIEVE. If you want completely crappy fanfics or if you're just in too good of a mood, I recommend reading these."

"So, there you have it. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!" Steel shouted.

"I'm Tohokari-Steel. THIS was Outta the DVD and I'M OUTTA HERE!" Steel switched off the screen.

A figure with red eyes and a pair of glasses was watching this before simply saying, "Looks like it's time I took this into my own hands…"

(Hitler: Of course! Don't you know anything about SCIENCE?!)