OTD: Green Lantern

(Show me the side streets in your life
Train yards like bone yards, sharpened knives
Sidewalks are unassuming fields
Concrete and cracks won't cut you deals
Won't cut you deals
Won't cut you
Lost teeth like white jewels of some kind
Petty theft for penny crimes
For penny crimes
For penny crimes
And we yell
ahh ahhh ahh ahh like a good ol' fashion nightmare
ahh ahh ahh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahh
ahh ahhh ahh ahh like a good ol' fashion nightmare
ahh ahh ahh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahh)

"And welcome, Christopher Hitchens." Lunatic said, dressed in a tweed suit and with his spiky hair neatly-combed back. Steel was looking irritated as he was sitting next to him, "The man who claimed that God was a Subway sandwich..."

"Snap out of it, Loon." Steel growled.

"Hey, guys, welcome." Ray said, popping up next to the two, "Loon tripped over one of our Basset Hounds the other day and hit himself on the head, now the poor sap thinks he's William Lane Craig, triple PhD in...I dunno, SOMETHING, I guess. Heck, I don't obsess over the guy."

"Sam Harris said you smell like hippo." Lunatic continued.

"NO!" Steel shouted, "LOON, YOU'RE NOT WELL!"

"See, now he thinks Steel's Chris Hitchens, he's trying to debate with him, and he's driving him NUTS." Ray continued.

"And you claimed that Santa Bond was our one true savior." Lunatic continued.

"Oh, that's it, Loon. I'm getting my E-Tool..." Steel muttered, storming off-screen.

"And so, the debate switches to Mr. Richard Dawkins." Lunatic continued, gesturing at Ray.

"Oh no..." Ray muttered.

"Author of The Bob Illusion-"

CLANG!

Steel's spade hit Lunatic on the head, causing him to fall down in a heap.

"Annnnnnd down he goes." Ray stated.

Steel chuckled as he walked in, his E-Tool over his shoulder before saying, sarcastically, "Boy, I sure hated to do that!"

The two laughed before bumping fists. Lunatic stood up, his hair in spikes as he pulled his wardrobe off.

"Oh, so THAT'S your evil plan, is it?" Lunatic asked, suspiciously, as he got back into his normal getup and returned his hair to the iconic red spikes, "Dress me up as William Lane Craig and then steal my show!"

"What show?" Steel simply asked.

Lunatic's eyes went wide. He then burst into tears, "DON'T REMIND ME, YA JERK!"

"So your fanfic got removed, big whoop." Ray said.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I PUT YEARS OF WORK INTO THAT AND NOW IT'S GONE!" Lunatic cried.

"And when you say 'I', you mean ME." Ray muttered.

"Hey, it's okay, Loony." Steel said, patting Loon's head, "How about we watch a movie to forget our problems?"

"O...okay, what do ya wanna watch?" Lunatic sniffed.

"How about Green Lantern?" Steel asked. Lunatic's response was to start running away, "HEY, YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE!"

Steel ran after Lunatic.

"Well, I'm headin' back to the Bunker..." Ray murmured, walking away.

(PLEASE STAND BY)

"I told you, I'm getting outta this!" Lunatic shouted.

"If you stayed through Legion, you're gonna stay through THIS!" Steel growled, dragging Lunatic into the review center. Lunatic broke free before going into a warp pipe.

When Lunatic popped out, he seemed to be in a lecture of some sort.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2012 Atheist Convention. Our speaker today shall be Richard Dawkins."

"I'm going back!" Lunatic yelped, going back into the pipe.

"Okay, let's just get on with this." Steel murmured, "For those who don't know who Green Lantern is...what rock have YOU been living under? He's one of the most iconic heroes in the DC Universe and welcome member of the Justice League...and his title has been taken up by about five different people."

"Yes, this film was hyped up in 2011 and all the fans of the DC Universe were just eating it up, wanting to see it...until five seconds into the trailer." Lunatic continued.

"Fake CGI mask notwithstanding, people WERE willing to give this a shot-"

"Except for me." Lunatic stated.

"But shortly after its box-office-breaking-weekend, the film was immediately met with harsh criticism, putting it up there with Spider-Man 3 as one of the biggest cinematic disappointments within the last decade. Still, I have heard of people liking this film despite the harsh criticism, so I had mixed feelings about it for a while." Steel continued, "But does it deserve such criticism?"

"Steel...just don't." Lunatic begged, "This is gonna be horrible and we both know it."

"Maybe, maybe not." Steel shrugged.

"FAKE CGI MASK." Lunatic shouted, enunciating every word.

"Every time you say that, I'm gonna smack you." Steel stated.

"Well, let's see how many that is..." Lunatic murmured, doing the math.

"Let's just get on with it." Steel stated, "THIS is 'Green Lantern'."

"Our movie opens up with a narrator who sounds like Alec Guinness, saying that there was a race of immortals who harnessed the most powerful force in existence." Steel began.

(Narrator: These immortals, the guardians, built a world through which they could watch over all of existence.)

(Obi-Wan: There, you will go to Yoda, the Jedi master who instructed me.)

"And still maintain their beaches, safehouses, AND Hula hoops." Lunatic said, "Wait, that doesn't sound right..."

(Narrator: To be chosen by these rings, one must be without fear.)

"So, naturally, they were all women." Lunatic said.

"Loon, that wasn't funny." Steel deadpanned.

"Oh, sure it was." Lunatic chuckled.

"NO, it wasn't." Steel stated.

"What're you saying?" Lunatic asked.

"Exactly what I said." Steel answered.

"Well, I heard you said it was funny beyond all belief." Lunatic said.

"No, I'm saying it was UNFUNNY." Steel snapped, "In fact, it was the OPPOSITE of funny: it was ANTI-funny! It was SO anti-funny that it ABSORBED all the comedy we COULD have inserted there and just KILLED IT! THAT'S WHAT THAT CRACK WAS—a swirling, black hole of anti-funny!"

"Perhaps you should take some interpersonal communication classes because I STILL don't understand what you're talking about." Lunatic said.

Steel's response was to toss Lunatic out the window. Lunatic quickly ran back up.

"Man, those sharp rocks are a BLAST to land on." Lunatic said.

"You hit yourself on the head, didn't you?" Steel asked.

"No way, Charlie Brown!" Lunatic replied.

(Narrator: Together, these 3,600 recruits formed the intergalactic peacekeepers known as the Green Lantern Corps.)

"We WANTED a cooler name, like Emerald Knights or something cooler than Green Lantern." Lunatic inserted, "I mean, WHO wants to fly around the galaxy, claiming he's part of the Green Lanterns? Whoever came up with that name must've been CRAZY!"

"And, with that, we have our title." Steel continued, "The narrator continues to explain that the ultimate enemy the Green Lanterns faced was a being of fear called Parallax...I wonder what the MORAL of this story's gonna be?"

"That courage conquers everything?" Lunatic asked.

"Loon, apparently you're not as fluent in sarcasm as I am." Steel stated.

"I'll take a class in it as soon as I can, I SWEAR!" Lunatic pleaded.

"So, anyway, the narrator continues on, explaining that a Green Lantern defeated it on the planet Ryut." Steel continued, "Our plot then picks up there as the alien has crashed and is sending out a distress signal. And am I the only one who tinks he just walked into a Halo game?"

"No, you're not." Lunatic said.

"The Parallax monster appears and...kills them, I think." Steel continued, "He then escapes and-I'm extremely confused at this point."

(Six months later...)

"It turns out the creature was too weak to survive and died in a week, ending of movie? MAYBE?" Lunatic asked, hopefully, "Ah, crud there's more movie..."

"We stumble upon the hybrid of Boba Fett's ship and a Decepticon as we see the Green Lanterns." Steel continued, "There, Abin Sur, who imprisoned Parallax, is attacked by said entity and runs for an escape pod and flies to Earth, mortally wounded. There, we see Hal Jordan, played by Ryan Reynolds, who was probably better off as Deadpool."

"Y'know, BEFORE they took away the Merc's Mouth." Lunatic said, "Class act, movie."

"He takes off for a piloting session, where a state-of-the-art, unmanned plane will be his...well, 'opponent', for lack of a better word." Steel continued.

"Actually, there ARE—humiliator, defeater, embarrassment, take your pick. I've got more." Lunatic said, "He bickers with a fellow pilot for a while and something in my gut's telling me he gets that humiliation I predicted."

"Long story short, he beats 'em and Lunatic owes me five bucks." Steel said, "However, his method of dealing with the Sabres was to ascend rapidly and cause them to conk out. Unfortunately, this also causes his OWN plane to malfunction and he begins to drop faster than support for Obama. He falls so fast that he goes into a flashback."

"It's happened to me MANY times..." Lunatic said, impersonaiting Clint Eastwood. He then added, in his regular voice, "By the way, am I the only one who thinks these flashbacks are cliched? His father's a pilot, Hal looks up to him, all that's missing is for him to die in an accident-"

(Hal's father gets blown up in a fighter plane accident.)

"Yep, there we go." Lunatic said.

"Hal and his co-pilot get into an argument that can basically be summed like THIS:"

"You screwed-up."

"That's how I roll."

"I hate you."

"Trust me, by the end of the movie, we'll be making out."

"So, elsewhere, the ship with Abin Sur in it washes up on the beach as the green energy goes off to find a new wielder." Steel continued, "Hal goes to his house and is confronted by his brother, I think, about his recklessness. He goes to his 11-year-old nephew and is it too late to say that my interest in Lunatic talking philosophy is more captivating than this?"

"Well, in the wise words of Socrates..." Lunatic said before making a rattling gasp and keeling over.

(Hal: Totally lame 11-year birthday party.)

"That's classy." Lunatic said, sarcastically.

"Hal goes out to his car before getting engulfed in a giant, green CGI hamster ball." Lunatic continued, "Y'know, I haven't seen effects this lame since Legion."

"Hal sees the...purple version of the Mask."

(The Mask: No, it wasn't ME. It was the one-armed man!)

"He pulls him out of the ship (without showing us HOW, mind you) and puts him on the shore." Steel continued, "The guardian gives him the ring and tells him to speak the oath to it. Hal's response is to stammer a lot. Seriously, this guy stammers more than Obama without his teleprompter!"

"Shouldn't something like that usually be followed by that Controversy Alarm deal?" Lunatic asked.

"Yeah, but ever since that co-review with Mom, it's kinda been scared off." Steel replied.

"Oh, I see." Lunatic nodded.

(Man: (walks out to see Hal and the space ship) Is that a spaceship?)

(Hal: Yeah.)

(Man: Is it REAL?)

(Hal: Yes, it's real.)

(Man: Okay, let's see what power this thing uses.)

"Gotta love how nonchalant he is about finding an alien spacecraft." Lunatic said.

(Hal: He wore a uniform. I think he was a soldier. (pulls out ring) He gave me this.)

(Man: He proposed?)

"Okay, that was funny." Steel conceded.

"And, considering what happened recently with the FIRST Green Lantern...yeah, hilarious in hindsight." Lunatic said.

"The two then run from the helicopters...for some reason and they take off driving." Steel continued.

"We then cut to Oa, where Sinestro is making an appeal to the Guardians." Lunatic continued, "And I think it's safe to say that they look utterly ridiculous. Seriously, it looks like they have jellyfish for heads or Metroids sucking out their brains."

(Sinestro: Abin Sur seemed to know what it was. Before his transmission was cut, he said "It's Parallax".)

Lunatic and Steel burst out laughing at that point.

"Well, I guess it's Parallax then!" Steel laughed.

"We're not sure, but  he openly said that it was Parallax, so I guess it must be Parallax!" Lunatic laughed, "Seriously, it's almost as bad as that ONE guy from Alone in the Dark!"

(Man: They seem to have nothing in common aside from all coming from the same orphanage.)

"The Guardians tell him that the Green Lanterns might not be up to the challenge and Sinestro takes off." Steel continued.

"Y'know, Sinestro doesn't seem that bad right now." Lunatic said, "I KNOW that with a name like Sinestro, he's gonna turn out to be a bad guy, but he's not really that bad so much as he is pro-active."

"We cut back to Earth," Steel continued, Lunatic groaning at that, "Where a guy named Dr. Hector Hammond is taken to an HQ of some sort. Why does it feel like I just walked into a completely different movie?"

"Eh, watch a Doctor Who special, it feels the same way." Lunatic shrugged.

"Dr. Hammond is basically called in to do a study/dissection of the alien corpse and we cut back to Hal Jordan, who's trying to activate the ring." Steel continued.

(Hal: Okay, alright...place the ring and speaks the oath. Right, the Oath. Because everyone knows the oath. Used to sing it at camp. I, Hal Jordan, do solemnly swear to...pledge allegiance to a lantern that I got from a dying, purple alien in a swamp.)

The two stared, looking unimpressed.

"Why does this look like a Doctor Who special...without the Doctor?" Lunatic asked.

"Just get on with this..." Steel growled.

"The obvious-love-interest, Carol, swings by after he seems possessed and the two get a drink." Steel continued, "The two share small-talk and-"

"Skip it." Lunatic stated, pulling out a remote.

(So, skip it!
Skip it!)

"After that, Hal leaves only to get mugged by former pilots." Steel continued, "Hal uses his Power Ring, using green energy that looks like it's from a bad Gamecube game, and apparently kills the three guys. He then gets taken into a giant, green power orb when, at the same time, we see that Dr. Hammond's apparently infected with Parallax. Hal goes into space until he arrives at Oa. There, he's getting probed, I think, oh wait, he's just getting suited up."

"FAKE CGI MAAAAAAAAAAASK!" Lunatic screamed before roaring, in a Charlton Heston voice, "YOU MANIACS! YOU GREEN-LIT IT! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU ALL TO HADES!"

Lunatic then ran out, crying.

"He'll be back." Steel said.

"I'm serious, Darkwing Duck's mask looked more realistic than this!" Lunatic said, returning to the station in an instant, "This is LAME. This film had a $200 million budget, but it looks like it just barely scraped into $5 million. The first PLAYSTATION had better graphics...a hyperbolic statement I admit, but that's beside the point."

"Hal's met up with a beaked-fish guy named Tomar-Re and the two go for a fly after an exposition dump." Steel continued.

"Y'know, for a city of 3,600 Green Lanterns, doesn't the size of this city seem a bit much?" Lunatic pointed out.

(Hal: Why green?)

(Tomar-Re: Because green is the color of will.)

"Will is very GREEN..." Steel said.

"I don't know if it is or not." Lunatic said, "Is it?"

"Huh?" Steel asked.

"Never mind." Lunatic said.

"They gather to meet when Sinestro arrives." Steel continued.

(Sinestro: Four of our fellow Lanterns have been destroyed by an entity. We don't know what it is, but that it has the power to destroy civilizations and even the great Abin Sur, our finest warrior whose light can never be replaced.)

"Wait, Abin Sur NEVER told you guys what this thing was?" Lunatic asked, "He defeated it, but didn't tell anyone what it was? This doesn't make sense..."

"Well, he COULD have told them and they just weren't paying attention." Steel said.

"This is sounding more and more like those fanfics I used to review." Lunatic said. He sniffled before saying, "Excuse me for a sec."

"We then cut to training, where Tomar-Re is trying to teach Hal to use the ring, but is interrupted by the combat instructor, Kilowog." Steel continued, "So, let me clarify. Geoffrey Rush, Michael Clarke Duncan, AND Deadpool are in the same movie together. This SHOULDN'T suck, but, for some reason, it DOES."

"Wait a minute, this IS Doctor Who—muscular, potato-headed guys, fish guys. This could work in that universe...maybe." Lunatic said.

"They go into a training deal and..."

(Kilowog creates a large, green orb, which catches Hal.)

(Kilowog: Feel that? That's the gravitational pull of your average sun.)

"Wait, if it's THAT close, shouldn't it pull the entire planet in?" Lunatic asked.

"Hal knocks Kilowog around before meeting Sinestro." Steel continued.

(Sinesto: The Corps is only as strong as its weakest link and I will tolerate no weak links.)

"I wonder if he's going to turn into a villain..." Steel said, sarcastically.

"Also, here's a fun game—take a shot whenever they use the word 'fear'." Lunatic said, "See how long you last. I dare you."

"Sinestro fights Hal in perhaps the most cartoonish ways possible." Steel continued, "Sinestro whips him and leaves, Hal deciding to quit."

(Hal: Humans can't protect the universe. Until a few days ago, we thought we were the only ones IN the universe.)

(Tomar-Re: The ring chose you. It wouldn't have if it hadn't seen something in you.)

"The ring chooses the Lantern, Mr. Jordan." Lunatic imitated.

"Hal goes to Earth and we see that Mr. Hammond is apparently gaining telepathy." Steel continued.

(Student gets tossed out of seat.)

"And telekinesis." Steel added.

"He takes a blood sample and sees that something's turning his red blood cells into cheese balls before he gets a call." Lunatic continued, "He meets with his dad and finds that his father was the one who landed the job and thinks that he's a waste of time. Hammond then leaves at that point."

"We see the Green Lanterns going up against Parallax, but their efforts are in vain." Steel continued, "Sinestro has an audience with the Guardians, who admit to trying the Power of Fear due to the decreasing power of will in the universe. However, the power of fear was too unpredictable, though a single Guardian tried to master the power, but was turned into Parallax and feeds off fear."

(static)

"Hey!" Ray shouted, staggering in and speaking in a slurred voice, "I hacked your signal and I've taken a shot whenever the word 'fear' or 'afraid' is mentioned...and I'm (CENSORED)-faced..."

Ray then fell down to the floor of the Bunker.

"You're not drunk, are you?" Lunatic asked.

"Nope." Ray answered, casually, before standing up and walking away.

(static)

(Sinestro: We must forge a Yellow Ring.)

"Yes, because this won't backfire AT ALL, will it?" Lunatic said, sarcastically.

"Yeah, it kinda comes with hiring someone named Sinestro." Steel shrugged, "Guess 'Trustwortho' was outta town at the moment."

"Hammond and Hal meet, but are forced apart." Lunatic continued, "Also, he meets up with Carol and...judging by the camera angle, she's naked...nope, I was wrong."

"CRAP." Steel swore.

"Why'd ya say that?" Lunatic asked, suspiciously.

"Uh...no reason." Steel said.

"Another awkward moment arises and I wanna fast-forward right about now." Lunatic said, pressing the button.

"Why did you steal my remote?" Steel asked as the movie sped past the moment.

"Hector uses his telekinesis to send a tap into a helicopter blade, sending it into a crash." Steel continued, "However, Hal uses his ring to make the crashing aircraft into a green Hotwheel...and I'll just leave that as it is."

"Meanwhile, Hammon seems to be mutating while screaming like a girl." Lunatic continued, "The result of this makes him look like Dale the Whale from Monk."

(Dale: Don't make me laugh, it HURTS!)

"So, Hal's friend comes by and confronts Hal about the hero last night, wanting to see the powers." Steel continued.

(Hal: Question, you ready to have your mind blown? (holds up ring) Ring...(flips bird) finger.)

"Trust me, the entire movie feels like it's flipping us the bird." Lunatic stated.

"Of course, it doesn't work at first." Steel said, "However, after a brief recharge, he's a superhero for his friend to see. He goes to Carol in-suit and seems to be trying the 'Batman deep voice' deal. Of course, she finds out his him...he needs a better mask, preferably one that DOESN'T look like it's made of Silly Putty."

(Carol: So, all this works because of that magic ring?)

(Hal: No, there's no such thing as magic.)

"Says the man who's just seen all these aliens." Lunatic said as Steel pulled out his Death Note, Black Katana, Spartan helmet, and Dino Gem, "What's that last thing?"

"My Black Dino Gem." Steel said.

"Dino Gem?" Lunatic asked.

"From Power Rangers: Dino Thunder." Steel replied.

"You WATCHED that?" Lunatic asked, a disbelieving look on his face.

"The two share small-talk that would make Transformers jealous and he takes off with Hector following him." Steel continued, "The government people bring him into their base...WOW. Nobody's suspicious of the guy with the giant head. He's sedated and chained down."

(Dr. Hibbert: Oh my gosh, it's Gigantism!)

"He kills the doctor in charge of the operation to remove the trace of Parallax by driving the serringe into his forehead...in a way that's pretty funny before causing mayhem in general." Lunatic continued, "However, it's Hal to the rescue and...he gets taken down as he's forced to watch Hector burn his father to cinders. Hal uses his ring to read Hector's thoughts, but meets Parallax, who says that once he devours Earth, he'll have enough strength to destroy the Corps and the Guardians of Oa. By the way, that's Clancy Brown voicing him."

(The Thing: Ah, CRAP.)

"Man, talent is just WASTED in this movie." Steel sighed, "And at THIS point, I find out who Hal's friend is: Tom. They share a pep-talk, where they use almost every tired cliché in the book."

"Clancy Brown contacts Hector, telling him that Hal is a threat." Lunatic continued, "Sinestro gets his Yellow Ring and is confronted by Hal, who asks the Guardians to help him. They decline, but he goes off to defend Earth anyway."

(Sinestro: You will die, Hal Jordan.)

(Hal: Then I'll die trying.)

"This is so campy." Steel said, "It's...Batman & Robin-level of campiness."

"WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT CAMPING?!" Lunatic shouted, pulling out his AA-12.

"No, no, it's okay, no one's camping here. We're not playing Call of Duty. Just put the gun away..." Steel said, taking the gun away.

"Parralax is approaching Earth and goes to confront Hector, who's holding Carol hostage." Steel continued, "He tries to speak with Hector, but it doesn't work. So, Hal offers Hector his ring in exchange for Carol, which he accepts, but obviously lied. He tries blasting Hal, but it doesn't work...just in time for Parralax to appear."

"The poor sap screams like a girl one last time before being swallowed by the Space Smoke." Lunatic said, "Hal makes a lunge for the ring, but gets caught. Carol goes for the missiles to the Sabers and fires them all at once before Hal can be killed. Hal gets his ring back at that point and flies off, but says he's going to fight Parralax, who's begun his attack on the city of...Anywheresville."

"Ugh, that mask...whenever I see it, I just think about how wasted this film's budget was..." Lunatic muttered.

"Hal goes off into space with Parralax in hot pursuit." Lunatic continued, "He lures Parralax towards a sun, causing him to get caught in the gravitational pull and burn. Hal almost burns alive, but is saved by Sinestro and other members of the Corps. Sinestro then compliments Hal before we cut to Earth, where Hal makes out with Carol before flying off into space."

(Tomar-Re: (narrating) There was a Lantern whose light shone brighter than any others. His humanity was once thought his weakness. But now, it's his greatest strength.)

"Wait, that's it?" Lunatic asked.

"Looks like it." Steel nodded.

"This movie is the definition of 'lame'." Lunatic said.

"Yep." Steel agreed, "Oh, it TRIES. It TRIES to be funny, yet action-packed like the Avengers prequels. But it tries too hard to be something that it's not. The dialogue's awful, the characters aren't that memorable, and the moral is about as subtle as dialogue from Terl."

"Granted, Sinestro was kinda cool (despite not becoming the villain)," Lunatic said, "But every single bad thing just brings it down lower...and do I need to bring up that crappy, CGI mask?"

"Well, that was fun, wasn't it, Loon?" Steel asked

"NO." Lunatic deadpanned.

"So, I guess this is a fond farewell to the Insane Critic then..." Steel said.

"Yeah, looks like it." Lunatic said, "Well, so long Planet Insania..."

Lunatic slowly walked off-screen, but immediately bolted back, "I may not be critiquing, but I'm still part of the group!"

Lunatic then joyously ran away.

"Good for him." Steel nodded, "Anyway, I'm Tohokari-Steel, this was Outta the DVD and I'm outta here."

Steel switched off the camera.

(Here we are, Born to be kings,
We're the princes of the universe,
Here we belong, Fighting to survive,
In a world with the darkest powers,
And here we are, We're the princes of the universe,
Here we belong, Fighting for survival,
We've come to be the rulers of your world,
I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings, (Yeah!)
I have no rival, No man can be my equal,
Take me to the future of your world,
Born to be kings, Princes of the universe,
Fighting and free, Got your world in my hand,
I'm here for your love and I'll make my stand,
We were born to be princes of the universe,)

Pros:
-Sinestro was kinda cool

Cons:
-Tries too hard to be a Marvel movie
-Horrible CGI
-Terrible dialogue
-Bland characters
-Moral is shoved into your face

Final Score: 1/10

Clips Used:
Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare by Queen
Green Lantern
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
The Mask
Alone in the Dark
Skip It commercial
Monk
The Simpsons
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Princes of the Universe by Queen

(Kilowog: Feel that? That's the gravitational pull of your average sun.)

(static)

Ray sighed, still trapped in the Bunker Underground.

"This changes nothing." He simply said, putting on a hard hat, "C'mon, guys, let's get back to the tunneling..."

(static)

"Aloha, didn't hear you come in." Ask TLSoulDude greeted, "This is Ask TLSoulDude saying..."

"Oh, hello, TLSoulDude!" Philosophical Lunatic exclaimed as he walked in.

"Philosophical Lunatic? Where have you been all this time?" TL asked, smiling and shaking Philosophical Lunatic's hand.

"Oh, you know, tormenting people like nuts." Philosophical Lunatic replied.

"Oh, it's been YEARS since we last met!" TL said, excitedly.

"I know, I barely remember the last time we were together!" Philosophical Lunatic nodded, "Last time was when we killed that one bloke...what was his name again...?"

"Archduke Ferdinand." TL answered.

"Oh hohoho, yes." Philosophical Lunatic chuckled, "That was hilarious."

(meanwhile...)

"How do we put up with these sociopaths?" Steel asked, massaging his temple.

"I don't know..." Lunatic groaned.