OTD: Dark of the Moon

(Show me the side streets in your life
Train yards like bone yards, sharpened knives
Sidewalks are unassuming fields
Concrete and cracks won’t cut you deals
Won’t cut you deals
Won’t cut you
Lost teeth like white jewels of some kind
Petty theft for penny crimes
For penny crimes
For penny crimes
And we yell
ahh ahhh ahh ahh like a good ol’ fashion nightmare
ahh ahh ahh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahh
ahh ahhh ahh ahh like a good ol’ fashion nightmare
ahh ahh ahh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhh ahh)

“Hi, I'm Tohokari-Steel and this Outta the DVD, where movies face my judgement.” Steel introduced, “Well, it's the last Bay movie in Transformers Month!”

TRANSFORMERS MONTH!

(Transformers!
More than meets the eye!)

“Yeah, though everyone hated Revenge of the Fallen with a burning passion, it still made enough money to warrant a third film.” Steel said, “This is Dark of the Moon and let's see its dark side!”

(scenes from movie play)

“Was dat da best ya could come up wit?!” came a muffled voice.

“Whose bright idea was it to put Tony's prison in MY place?” Steel asked.

(static)

“You beat him, you keep him.” RookSano stated.

“And he cheats at poker.” Tohokari-Sano added.

(static)

“It's not weird that he knows that at all.” Steel murmured, “Let's just dig in.”

“First thing I notice is that Paramount is the only company that produced this when DreamWorks also had a hand in the last two films.” Steel said, “Well, after How to Train Your Dragon and Rise of the Guardians, I guess the guys finally grew a brain and got out while the getting was good. We then get our third awesome Optimus prologue as we see the War of Cybertron...which is actually pretty refreshing. We've heard it referenced, but we never actually SAW it.”

(Optimus: (narrating) We were once a peaceful race of intelligent, mechanical beings.)

“Well, we were once we exiled all robots with crooked teeth and who talked entirely in racist slang.” Steel imitated. He then smiled before saying, “Good news, people, the Twins aren't in this movie!”

(Narrator: And there was much rejoicing.)

(Optimus: But then came the war between the Autobots who fought for freedom and the Decepticons who dreamt of tyranny.)

“Once again, their freakin' NAMES have 'deception' in it! Maybe you shouldn't have trusted them!” Steel pointed out, “For an advanced race, you guys sure are stupid!”

“We find that things weren't going well for the Autobots as they were out-numbered, so one Autobot ship left Cybertron with a weapon that would have changed their fate, but it was quickly shot down.”

(Tinny Tim: You raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir. Bravo.)

Steel then continued, “Said ship crashes onto our moon, which must've been closer to Cybertron than I thought because that ship seemed to get hit just outside of Cybertron's atmosphere. But if that's the case, why'd it take so long for any transformers to find the AllSpark? Were they just thinking, 'Hey, could it be on that big, blue planet just over there? NAH, that'd be too obvious!'. Seriously, this MAKES NO SENSE! Y'know, maybe I'm over-analyzing this...”

“Anyway, the crash gets the attention of America and the USSR and the Space Race begins to try and get there first.” Steel continued, “And, I have to admit, that's a pretty cool bit of historical fiction. The Space Race was a big deal during the Cold War, so putting that in the middle of it was a stroke of genius...something I never thought I'd say regarding anything related to Michael Bay. Back on track, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin find the Autobot ship.”

“We then cut to present day, where...”

(Girl walks up stairs, without pants in an obvious butt-shot.)

“Holy...” Steel said, looking impressed, but came back to Earth quickly, “Where we see our new piece of eye-candy, Carly waking up Sam again.” Steel then growled, “Last Transformers movie with LeBeouf, Steel. You can survive this...”

“Carly seems to be Sam's new girlfriend...but wait, I thought that was Megan Fox. Where's she in all this?” Steel asked, “OH! She and Bay hated each others' guts, so she left. With that complication, Bay hired Rosie Huntington-Whiteley...who's not an actress, but a Victoria's Secret model...and somehow gives a more charming performance than Megan Fox. Maybe it's the accent. But, anyway, she's Sam's new girlfriend. What happened to Mikaela? Heck if I know. Though, I personally believe the Autobots had her knocked off for stealing the show with her obvious fanservice...just before the racist twins as well. Must've been hard finding cement shoes their sizes...”

(Sam: You like it, don't you? I'm just your American boy toy.)

(Carly: (chuckles) A lover boy toy.)

“Who talks like this?” Steel simply asked, “I know it's taken me a while to ask that, but better late than never.”

“Anyway, Sam's whining about how it's so hard getting a job and about why he hasn't gotten more attention for saving the world.” Steel continued, “And, at this point, I realize that my time would be better spent marathoning the fourteen episodes of Firefly on a continuous loop. Oh and Obama himself gave Sam a medal.”

(Obama: (pats Sam on the back) Thank you, man. Great job.)

Steel simply gave a flat look before saying, “No comment.”

“So, Sam's apparently harboring two Transformers—Wheelie and some other guy whose name I'll do my best to not remember.” Steel continued, “Wheelie comes in and sees a bit of Star Trek.”

(Wheelie: I've seen this one. This is where Spock goes nuts.)

(Film Brain: FORESHADOWING!)

“What was that?” Steel asked before shrugging and continuing, “Anyway, Sam's parents show up and cue more obnoxious comic relief from the man obsessed with his lawn and the lady who gets teary-eyed over her son's baby booties.”

(Sam: I have...uh, job interviews.)

(Mom: Oh...that's good.)

(Dad: That sucks.)

(Sam: You don't have to be so negative, Dad.)

“Bumblebee's off with the other Autbots and we see Sam's replacement car...”

(A run-down looking car that vaguely resembles Bumblebee's alternate form.)

(Mom: It looks a lot like Bumblebee...if Bumblebee were a sad piece of-)

(King: Dinner.)

“Hey, that's how I've heard this trilogy described by Transformers fans!” Steel exclaimed.

“We then cut away from the awkwardness and resume awesomeness with the Optimus narration.” Steel continued.

(Optimus: (narrating) In the years since our arrival, our new home, Earth, has seen much change.)

“The economies have gotten worse, the smart have no power, and the stupid run everything.” Steel imitated, “I think we need a NEW new home now.”

“The Autobots now assist the humans in stopping conflict before it begins...which, apparently, involves attacking random Iranians and investigating old power plants in Ukraine.” Steel continued, “Lennox and the other members of NEST investigate some radiation signatures and they find something...”

(A huge, long, and serpentine machine erupts from the wall.)

“Well, that'll be something interesting to put in my journal.” Steel said, writing something down, “Bay movie involves metal, phallic-shaped object. Had Pop-Tarts for breakfast.”

“So, this...thing steals what the guys were looking at and leaves.” Steel continued, “It's revealed that the owner of the mechanical Molgara is the Decepticon, Shockwave, who vanishes as soon as he appears. Optimus gets the thing they found back and Shockwave retreats. By the way, what is that thing they were fighting over?”

(Optimus: This is an engine part...from a long-lost Autobot ship.)

“The Ukrainian guy who was leading them to the ship part tries leaving, but gets gunned down by the Decepticon, Laserbeak.” Steel continued, “But wait! My memories of the annoying protagonist are starting to fade from this interesting storyline!”

(Transformers scene change)

(Sam's parents driving him to an interview.)

(Mom: Interviews! This is so exciting!)

“Add some sarcasm and that's pretty much what I would say.” Steel continued, “Actually, I think that Bay might've actually said that while this was being written...thankfully, NOT by him, so this won't be as painful as Revenge of the Fallen.”

“Considering Shia's usual performances, Sam's interviews don't go so well.” Steel continued.

(Sam: I've got a medal from Obama.)

(Interviewer: From Obama? Well, in this office, we're mostly Republicans. So...)

“I WOULD bring up something about the obvious stereotyping, but then again...” Steel murmured, thinking about all his previous 'Take That's to the current administration. He moved his finger around in the air for a bit before smiling and saying, “Okay, I'll admit it, that WAS kinda funny.”

“His next interview is with John Malkovich, who's obviously not all there, if you know what I mean.” Steel said.

(Malkovich: I've got myself a Mr. Sam Witwicky. Previous experience next to zero. Yet...he has a recommend letter from our board? WTF to that.)

“Also, why the heck didn't I have an accent in Eragon?” Steel imitated, “It's been over five year and that STILL perplexes me.”

(Malkovich: You either start on the correct path to your career or you fall into a life-sucking abyss.)

“Like Eragon.” Steel said. He held up the DVD case to said movie and punched it across the room, “There, ALL references to that movie are done! I'm NOT cracking any more jokes about it!”

(Malkovich: Why is she using a red cup from the red floor when we are currently on the yellow floor? It is a visual and, therefore, a visceral betrayal.)

“Sounds like the kinda guy who would hire Lt. Strait.” Steel said.

(static)

“Hey, I have no problems with cup coloring.” Strait stated, “Now, if she wasn't using a coaster, THEN we'd be havin' problems!”

(static)

“What is that man's obsession with coasters?” Steel asked before saying, “Back on track, Sam gets a job that he doesn't want, but basically decides to climb the ladder.”

(Transformers scene change)

“At NEST HQ, the Autobots arrive along with this movie's whiny government toady...” Steel said.

(A woman, Charlotte Mearing, walks in.)

(Charlotte: When the CIA takes out a target, they have to first ask my permission.)

“A rather...not-annoying whiny government toady.” Steel said, “Okay, she's a definite upgrade to the last moron we had. Optimus is understandably angry about the humans apparently lying about their knowledge on the Autobots, but apparently, the humans didn't know either. They then bring in some of the few people who DO know, including...”

(One of the members is Buzz Aldrin.)

“Buzz Aldrin...” Steel said, standing to his feet and saluting, “SALUTE, PEOPLE! HE WENT TO THE MOON!”

“Heck, this was a pretty big thing in the movie.” Steel said, “Peter Cullen, Optimus' voice, called this one of the proudest moments in his entire career—appearing in the same movie as the second man on the moon. Now, allow me to ruin the moment...”

(Buzz Aldrin: Be careful! They're ruffled!)

“And now, we may resume.” Steel said.

“The Russians got their hands on the ship part thanks to some unmanned space ships and tried using it to create a new form of fission.” Steel continued, “Optimus explains that he saw the ship go down along with his leader and the war-winning technology's creator, Sentinal Prime.”

(Transformers scene change)

“Sam goes to visit Carly at her work and he meet Dylan Gould, played by Patrick Dempsey. You may remember him from something else, but I remember him best as the voice of Kenai from Brother Bear II.” Steel said, “His purpose? Obviously evil rival for Carly's affection.”

(Dylan: Look at the curves. (camera shifts to Carly) Beautiful. Sensual.)

“You made that shot on purpose.” Steel stated, looking ticked.

(Transformers scene change)

“The Autobots leave for the moon and find Sentinel's body as well as the weapon he was taking with him—the pillars.” Steel continued, “Meanwhile, in South Africa, Megatron and the other Decepticons are remaining hidden...SOMEHOW.”

(Megatron shifts into his robot form, wearing a cloak to hide his wounds.)

(Megatron: (draws a sword as he snarls at the nearby animals) All hail Megatron!)

“I don't like this new, extreme version of The Lion King.” Steel said, “It was fine the way it was.”

“It turns out that the Autobot part was bait to get the Transformers to the moon and Soundwave sends Laserbeak to terminate the loose ends.” Steel continued.

(Transformers scene change)

“Sam goes to his job and finds that he's constantly being stalked by an Asian guy, who corners him in the bathroom because he knows Sam's connection to the Autobots.” Steel said.

(Asian guy: I am Wang. Deep Wang.)

Steelgave a flat look before saying, “Y'know...no, I'm not gonna bring it up. I'm just going to ignore that.”

(Wang undoes his belt and pulls his pants down.)

“Oh no, you're NOT that cruel...” Steel groaned.

(Wang pulls out some papers from his sock.)

“What a relief...” Steel sighed, “But...wouldn't it make more sense for it to keep it in his pocket? Or were you just scaring us with the prospect of seeing Wang's wang?”

“Sam finds that Wang knows about what's going on, which means one thing...” Steel said.

(Laserbeak: My superiors want me to...suicide you.)

(Laserbeak shoves Wang's chair out the window...with him still in it.)

(Goofy: YAAAH-HOO-HOO-HWEEE!)

“The Photo-Copier of Death turns into a Decepticon and it begins hunting Sam along with Laserbeak.” Steel continued, “Through the magic of scene changing, Sam gets out alright and picks up Carly to get to the NEST HQ. He gets into a tussle with some guards and calls in Bumblebee, who still talks like a YouTube Poop.”

“They're let in and Sam explains the situation to them and they show him Sentinel Prime, who's out of Energon.” Steel said, “Optimus then revives him with the Matrix of Leadership, which he had...SOMEHOW.”

(Sentinel attacks Optimus.)

“Yeah, he basically acts the way I do if you interrupt my Wii Fit workouts.” Steel said, “They manage to calm him down, though. And it turns out...”

(Sentinel: The war. The war.)

“He's voiced by nerd god, Leonard FREAKIN' NIMOY!” Steel exclaimed, “Yes! Spock, Master Xehanort, and Galvatron from the animated Transformers movie...P.S., expect that review some other time, but not now.”

(Charlotte: What is this technology you're talking about.)

(Sentinel: It is the ability to reshape the universe. Together, the pillars form a space bridge. I designed, and I alone, can control it. It defies your laws of physics to transport matter through space and time.)

“Okay, if it involves the Master taking over the entire human race, I'm in on this.” Steel said, excitedly.

“Actually, it's a teleporter, capable of transporting everything from resources to weaponry.” Steel continued, “Sentinel explains that the Decepticons must never know it's there...but all I'm thinking about is why he needs the Jack Sparrow beard. Anyway, Sam is told that he's going back home with Autobot protection.”

(Carly: That's a bit harsh, don't you think ma'am?)

(Charlotte: Don't call me ma'am. I'm not a ma'am.)

(Carly: Well, you're a woman, aren't you?)

“Well, before my operation, I-NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” Steel shouted, defensively.

“Sam is sent home and decides to get some help, namely Simmons, who's currently talking with Bill O'Reilly.” Steel said, “No, I'm not kidding about that. That's really Bill O'Reilly. Insert your own joke here because I'm not clever enough.”

(Bill O'Reilly: He is the author of the best-selling book Code-Name Hero.)

(Dimsano: Oh, JUST GIVE US THE FREAKING SUGAR OR ELSE I'LL DISEMBOWEL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS AND DONATE THEM TO FIFTY DIFFERENT, THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES!)

“This seems...surreal.” Steel said, “Not quite as weird as Ringo Starr voicing the Space Ducks from Courage the Cowardly Dog, but...it's close. Seriously, what the heck is up with that?!”

(Bill O'Reilly: But polls show that half of us would feel safer without the Autobots! Get them out of here!)

“Was this actually scripted or did they just tell the guy to wing it?” Steel asked.

(Bill O'Reilly: F*** it! I'll do it live!)

“Moving on from that walking 'what the heck?' moment, Simmons gets a call from Sam and gets suited up.” Steel continued.

(Simmons is dressed in a leather duster and sunglasses.)

(Neo: Whoa...)

(Simmons: Tell Megatron “Let's tango”!)

“Optimus and Sentinel have a rather touching moment together and then we cut to Sam just as Malkovich comes over to get a glimpse of Bumblebee.” Steel continued, “Why does this guy need to exist? I'm not annoyed, I'm just...curious about why someone felt that he needed to be in this movie. He contributes nothing and just seems like a few tacos short of a combo plate.”

(Simmons: Listen, we're having a pretty high-intel alien confab here, which I don't think you're cleared for, errand boy.)

“So, Carly leaves because her brother died in combat and doesn't want that for Sam.” Steel continued, “Who, by the way, is searching for two Russian cosmonauts with Simmons. They track the two down and they lead them to a hidden room, where they reveal that some of the USSR's satellites caught pictures of the pillars. They then decided to guard Sentinel because he's the one thing they need to operate the space bridge. This results in a highway chase that is actually kinda cool.”

(Bumblebee changes as Sam's catapulted out in slow-motion.)

(GRATUITOUS 3-D!)

(Bumblebee grabs Sam and changes back with him in the front seat.)

“Wouldn't that get the guy caught in his internal mechanisms?” Steel asked.

“Ironhide and Sideswipe get into a Mexican stand-off with the two Predator-look alike Decepticons, but...” Steel said.

(Ironhide gets stabbed in the back by a Decepticon spear, but he and Sideswipe easily dispose of them.)

(Ironhide: Decepticon punk.)

“And that's why Ironhide is awesome.” Steel nodded.

“They seem to get Sentinel to safety at that point.” Steel said.

(Sam: You've gotta keep him safe, he's the key to the whole thing.)

(Sentinel: Indeed, I am. (changes from his firetruck mode to his robot mode) What you must realize, my Autobot brothers, is we were never going to win the war. For the sake of our planet's survival, a deal had to be made...with Megatron (loads cannon before shooting Ironhide).)

(DUN-DUN-DUUUUN!)

(Guy: Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOO-)

“And...I'm not gonna lie, that's actually a good twist.” Steel said, “It turns out that Sentinel was evil the whole time. Anyway, he kills Ironhide, wrecks the NEST base, takes the pillars, and leaves. Sam tries looking for Carly, but can't so another obnoxious bit with his parents ensue that we don't care about.”

(SKIP IT! SKIP IT!)

“Megatron meets with Sentinel just outside of the White House.” Steel continued.

(Megatron blows apart the Lincoln memorial.)

“YOU DESTROYED THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL, YOU SADISTIC MONSTER!” Steel shouted.

“Sentinel activates the space bridge and we discover that the thing the Decepticons were trying to hide wasn't the Ark, but rather an entire army.” Steel said, “They come in and basically take over as we discover that Sentinel's reasoning behind his defection was to save their home and because he misses being treated like a god. First part, actually a good reason. Second one...not so much. Anyway, Sam finds Carly at Dylan's place and it turns out that HE'S a villain. I'd included the drama music, but let's face fact, it was pretty obvious. And the car he gave to Carly as a present? Soundwave in disguise.”

(Dylan: You think you were the first man ever asked to join the noble alien cause? Do you not know why we've not been back to the moon since 1972?)

“Actually, I have wondered that.” Steel said, “What's your answer, movie?)

(Dylan: Because these two, (gestures at Soundwave and Laserbeak) they came to my dad and they told him to do some creative accounting. Make it way too expensive to go back.)

“Lame.” Steel deadpanned.

“Dylan then snaps a Decepticon watch on Sam so he can spy on the Autobots and find out about their plans.” Steel continued, “Sentinel sends a message to the UN to tell them that the Decepticons will take the resources they need and leave peacefully, but only if they exile the Autobots. And the watch starts making Sam spaz out, resulting in awkward slapstick. We're introduced to the Wreckers, some Autobots put in charge of guarding the ship that brought their second wave...and one of them's Scottish. Oh, so there's a Cybertron Scotland along with Cybertron Germany and Cybertron 'Hood now? Anyway, the other Autobots arrive and are willing to go, quietly.”

(Optimus: What your leaders say is true. This was all my fault. I told them who to trust. I was so wrong.)

“Apparently, trusting Bozo the Clown was a mortal mistake...” Steel imitated.

“The Autobots leave and the subplot about Sam spying on them is rendered superfluous.” Steel continued, “The rocket the Autobots are leaving in is blown to pieces and we all know it's a fake-out, so why bother even reacting to it?”

“Sam follows Dylan to Chicago, where it turns out that the resource the Decepticons are looking for happens to be the entire human race.” Steel said.

(Dylan: How many rocks up there offer six billion workers?)

“Their method of getting their slave labor is to bring Cybertron here.” Steel continued, “Okay, now I'm convinced that Bay just wrote down the parts he liked from End of Time and decided to make a story out of it. Sort of like how Stephen King makes his books, only less intelligent (if that's even possible).”

“So, the Decepticons seal off the city of Chicago in a montage that seems to want to kill all epileptic people.” Steel continued, “Sam and his band of dregs get to the city and find it looking what I theorize it'll resemble in about...ten years, maybe. And the Autobots are still alive.”

(Crow: DULL SURPRISE!)

“The Autobots get ready to fight for freedom in Chicago as Carly sees Megatron getting smacked around by Sentinel to be reminded of the status quo.” Steel continued, “Sam saves Mikaela and the group sends a message to NEST, telling them what the enemy plans to do and what weak points there are. And, while on the road, Optimus is attacked by the mechanical Tremor monster with Shockwave again. Then we see the usual Bay stuff—mass destruction as far as the eye can see.”

“Sam's group gets into a glass building that almost immediately gets totalled.” Steel continued, “I have to admit that the sequence is pretty cool...though Shockwave's metal thingy destroying the building just reminds me of Dragon Wars. However, it's Optimus to the rescue as he destroys the metal tunneling thing single-handed...BECAUSE HE'S OPTIMUS FRIGGIN' PRIME!”

(Optimus is shot down by Shockwave, trapping him in cables.)

“Well, that was a buzzkill...” Steel muttered.

“The Decepticons launch the pillars as Sam and Carly separate only to be found by Starscream.” Steel continued, “Sam puts on a glove given to them by...unusually similar to Einstein Autobot, Wheeljack.”

(Sam fires a grappling hook at Starscream's eye, causing him to jump around, frantically. Sam then stabs Starscream in the other eye with a bomb, which blows up his entire head.)

“Haven't seen a death this humiliating for Starscream since Death Battle...” Steel murmured, shaking his head.

(Rainbow Dash swallows Starscream's Spark.)

“And then four Autobots have been captured OFF-SCREEN.” Steel stated, “NO, you do NOT just have something that important happen off-screen, morons! You just DON'T!”

(Sentinel: How doomed you are, Autobots. You simply fail to understand that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.)

“No! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” Steel shouted before standing up and pacing back and forth, “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO NO! NO!” He then stopped, sat back down and pointed at the movie and shouted, “NOOOOO! YOU DID NOT JUST USE THE SPOCK LINE! YOU HAVE TO EARN THE RIGHT TO THE SPOCK LINE, BAY! YOU DID NOT EARN IT! IF YOU HAVE HIM TALKING ABOUT THE KYE-BLADE, I'M COMING AFTER-oh dear LORD, I just realized something...”

(Wheelie: This is where Spock goes nuts...)

“So, that WAS foreshadowing after all?” Steel asked, looking unimpressed.

“Only NOW do the Wreckers start getting Optimus free as the Decepticons kill Wheeljack because...I have no idea.” Steel admitted, “They try doing the same to Bumblebee, but don't because of Wheelie and the other guy screwing around with the enemy ship. Sentinel then begins transporting as Optimus begins walking through Decepticons and destroys the Space Bridge, halting the transport of Cybertron. NO, I won't play The Touch. I did that last time.”

“Next is a truly epic battle between Optimus and Sentinel Prime.” Steel continued, “Megatron lends a hand to Optimus because Carly told him that he's basically became Sentinel's bi***. Oh and Sam fights Dylan and kills him. If it seems like I don't care it's only because...well, you know.”

(Sentinel catches Optimus' arm before cutting it off.)

(Vegeta: Looks like he's been...DISARMED!)

(Audible breeze blows.)

(Nappa: I get it!)

(Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa.)

“Megatron guns Sentinel down and just tears him apart.” Steel continued, “The pillar's destroyed and now all that's left is for Optimus and Megatron to throw down...”

(Optimus beats Megatron easily.)

Steel glared before saying, “I need the Golbez line...”

(Golbez: That was underwhelming.)

“Seriously, THAT'S the fight between the two head bots in this entire battle and it's settled in about a minute.” Steel said, “But that's where our movie comes to a close with an epilogue.”

(Optimus: (narrating) In any war, there are calms between storms. There will be days when we lose faith. Days when our allies turn against us. But the day will never come when we forsake this planet and its people.)

“This movie's...not so bad.” Steel concluded, “Yeah, the ending's real abrupt, the fake-out's obvious and, obviously, the subplot with Sam's irritating. But the stakes seem to be higher than the original movie, the historical fiction's pretty cool, and Leonard Nimoy is a good choice for the villain. I know that I promised that I would review the animated Transformers movie at the end of this month, but I just don't have the time. So, we'll get to that later.”

“And so, Transformers Month comes to an end.” Steel said, standing up, “I'm Tohokari-Steel, this was Outta the DVD, and I'm outta here.”

Steel then walked away.

(When you were standing in the wake of devastation
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down
Insides crying, "Save me now!"
You were there, impossibly alone
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. Let it go
And in a burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of tempered grace
Falling into empty space
No one there to catch you in their arms
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?
You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go. Let it go)

Pros:
-The stakes seem to be higher
-Leonard Nimoy
-Good historical fiction
-NO TWINS!
-Carly's got more charm than Mikaela...

Cons:
-But she's added so abruptly that I can't really get into her as a character
-Sam's subplot is annoying
-The ending's abrupt

Final Score: 6.5/10

Clips Used:
Good Ol' Fashion Nightmare by Matt & Kim
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Monty Python & The Holy Grail
Futurama
Bad Movie Beatdown
Zelda: Wand of Gamelon
The Simpsons
Search for the Plot
The Matrix
Troll 2
Skip It commercial
Mystery Science Theater 3000
Death Battle: G-1 Starscream vs. G-4 Rainbow Dash
Dragonball Abridged
Dissidia: Final Fantasy
Iridescent by Linkin Park

Steel's Notes:
-Why does Wheeljack have the Einstein look? Seriously, why?

(Wheelie: This is where Spock goes nuts...)

Steel let out a rather audible snore as he murmured, in his sleep...

“He is a fighter, slash, wears a Kool-Aid shirt...”

However, an image of a man hidden in a dark cloak with flaming, red eyes flashed through his mind. He yelled as he sprung up in a cold sweat. He rubbed his hand across his forehead.

“What's happening?” he asked, “It...it's just a nightmare...or is it...?”

(TO BE CONTINUED...)