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OTD: Animal Farm

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Outta the DVD!

Written by Tohokari-Steel

(Sunday, Monday, Happy Days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.
Thursday, Friday, Happy Days.
The weekend comes,
My cycle hums,
Ready to race to you.
These days are all,
Happy and Free. (Those Happy Days)
These days are all,
Share them with me. (oh baby)
Goodbye grey sky, hello blue.
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you.
Feels so right, it can't be wrong.
Rockin' and rollin' all week long.
Sunday, Monday, Happy Days.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Happy Days.
Thursday, Friday, Happy Days.
Saturday, What a day,
Groovin' all week with you.)

“Hi, I'm Tohokari-Steel, and this is Outta the DVD, where movies face my judgement.” Steel introduced, sitting on a porch, nearly covered in snow, “Well, I'm out here because my dad decided to be a jerk. So...Animal Farm.”

“This was a novella written by George Orwell in 1945. Orwell supported socialism, but saw the Communist reigime in Russia for what it was—a totalitarian society built as a cult of personality of the man responsible for a worse genocide than Hitler's Holocaust, Joseph Stalin.” Steel explained, “Of course, no one in the United Kingdom wanted to publish it, considering that it would be a spit in the face to the USSR, which was their ally in World War II. But, eventually, it DID get published. And, in 1954, when the Cold War was in full swing, the Western bloc released an animated film of it.”

“This was once described as 'Disney if it was serious'. I think the better description is 'Charlotte's Web if it was deranged'. Then, for about forty years, it remained under the radar in terms of movies. Then, a movie was released in 1999. THAT is what I'll be looking into now.” Steel said, “Now, just like the book, it's very symbolic, so I'll try my best to lay it out for ya. And I'm just happy Systema can't find me and torment me for speaking ill of his homeland.”

(meanwhile...)

Systema paused before saying, “I have the sudden urge to attack a Midwesterner...”

(back with Steel...)

“Anyway, let's all go and visit Animal Farm.” Steel said.

“Our movie begins at night as all sorts of farm animals, like sheep, ducks, and horses, begin going to a ruined-looking farm.” Steel said, “We then have our narrator, a border collie named Jessie, tell us that they've been hiding from Napoleon's spies.”

(Napoleon Bonaparte)

“Wrong Napoleon.” Steel stated.

“We then cut to years earlier, where a farmer simply called Jones (played by the ubiquitous Pete Postlethwaite, who also voices Benjamin the Donkey) is down on his luck, due to him binge drinking and getting into debt with a fellow farmer, named Pilkington.” Steel said, “Okay, firstly, a small nitpick here—in the book, Jones was a MUCH worse alcoholic and it was because of a lawsuit...but, then again, the result is the same, so no big deal. Secondly, some symbolism—Jones represents the last royal of Russia, Tsar Nicholas II, while Pilkington is a combination of Winston Churchill and FDR. Oh and there's another farmer called Frederick. His farm is supposed to be Germany and he has a Hitler mustache.”

(Critic and Chick: TOO SUBTLE!)

“Anyway, the animals of the farm are called together by the wisest of them all, the boar named Old Major (played by the late Peter Ustinov).” Steel continued, “Old Major is basically a combination of Karl Marx, whose philosophy helped establish Communism, and Vladimir Lenin, the first president of the USSR. What's Old Major's message?”

(Old Major: We live very short, cruel lives. We are given only as much that will keep the breath in our bodies and, when we have out-lived our purpose, we are slaughtered (all the animals begin panicking)!)

“Boy, this guy would make a terrible therapist...” Steel said.

(Old Major: And who is to blame for our suffering?)

(Nostalgia Critic: MAN!)

“Old Major then goes on to tell the animals to revolt against the humans and that they will all become equal as a result.” Steel said, “Meanwhile, Mr. Jones is...getting it on with Pilkington's wife...moving on. Old Major then leads the animals in a chorus of a song called Beasts of England and I'm just ticked that it's not the Celmintine/La Cuckaracha mix!”

“However, this commotion wakes up Mr. Jones and he thinks a fox got in.” Steel said, “Well, if my knowledge of the book has taught me anything, it's that the shots don't harm anyone and Old Major dies, peacefully, in his-”

(Jones slips on a muddy hill and the shotgun he's carrying goes off, scattering the animals inside the barn.)

(Jessie: (narrating) Old Major had been hit. Was our revolution over before it had begun? (speaking) No...)

(Old Major groans as he falls off the loft he's standing on and dies.)

Steel just stared, jaw open.

“Well...I wasn't expecting that.” Steel said, “Though, honestly, I like this change and you'll see why in a few seconds.”

“Anyway, the animals hold a funeral service as Old Major is butchered for meat. We're then introduced to the three main pigs of the book—Snowball, who's a combination of Vladimir Lenin and Leon Trotsky (Stalin's comrade-in-arms turned rival), Squealer, who's Vyacheslav Molotov (Stalin's protege and head of the USSR's propoganda), and Napoleon...”

(Napoleon Dynamite: This is like the worst movie ever.)

“NO! NONE OF THAT!” Steel barked, “SHAME ON YOU!”

“Anyway, Napoleon represents the grand-mustachioed dictator/genocidal madman himself, Joseph Stalin.” Steel continued, “Snowball is voiced by Kelsey Grammar...

(Sideshow Bob: Oh, thanks a lot. Now I look crazy!)

“Squealer by Ian Holm...”

(Bilbo Baggins: Oh, you're probably right. As usual...)

“And Napoleon by...”

(Picard: The line must be drawn HERE!)

“HOLY CRAP, IT'S PATRICK STEWART!” Steel exclaimed, looking amazed to say the least, “THE MAN HAS AN AMAZING VOICE AND HE IS SUCH A GREAT ACTOR! WHOEVER DECIDED ON CASTING HIM AS NAPOLEON DESERVES A FREAKING MEDAL!”

“Oh...uh...where was I?” Steel said, coming back to Earth, “Oh yeah. The funeral service for Old Major...”

(Snowball: There are no rewards after death. There is only the here and now. We must work to make this life better.)

(Napoleon: Friends! We must all remember that Old Major died for every one of us!)

“Well, to his credit, he sounds like most Marxists I come across.” Steel shrugged.

(BOO! BOO! BOO!)

“I kinda deserve that.” Steel stated as he was bombarded by fruit.

(Jones walks out and sees the animals gathered around the front of the barn, but only hears animal noises.)

(Jones: ...Must need feeding again.)

(Bender: It's like every other day, it's FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!)

“That night, Jessie's offered some ribs, but unfortunately they were from Old Major, so she barks at it and runs off.” Steel continued, “Later, Jones decides to go and get plastered when the animals need feeding and takes his farm hands with him. As expected, they come back drunk off their seats and forget to feed the animals.”

(Boxer the Horse: At last...)

(Clover the Mare: Will he feed us now?)

(Robotnik: NO!)

“Oh, more pointing out symbolism.” Steel said, “Boxer the Horse is basically the Russian working-class, the main people Marx was trying to raise up.”

“And Jones and his farm hands DON'T feed the animals and proceed to drink some more.” Steel said.

(Chinese Manga Rook: (in traditional Chinese) Confound this rapscallion! He drives a man to the drink!)

“This is basically the straw that breaks the camel's back as the animals break out to get some food.” Steel said, “They're discovered by Jones, but manage to drive him, the farm hands, and his wife out of old Manor Farm as well as Moses, the tame raven who represents the Orthodox Church.”

(Car drives over to the Red Lion bar.)

“Okay, so we NEVER tell anyone that we were chased out by pigs, sheep, and chickens. If anyone asks, it was a zombie invasion.” Steel said in a hushed voice, “Agreed?”

“Agreed.” Came four other voices from...who knows where.

(Napoleon: Victory IS OURS!)

(Jessie: And so, at last, the farm belonged to us and we were free! We KNEW we could live without fear and Snowball would show us the way!)

“But then, we found out his medical plan sucked and his plans weren't the least bit practical, so back to square one.” Steel imitated.

“Actually, Snowball proves to be quite the intelligent leader as he begins teaching the animals to become literate with mixed success.” Steel said, “He then renames Manor Farm to Animal Farm and BOOM! Our title is born!”

(There's a baby crying in the audience. Is it yours?)

“Snowball milks the cows because, well, due to breeding from humans and the constant need to keep them pregnant, they're pretty much producing milk 24/7.” Steel continued.

(Cow bellows as not much milk comes out.)

(Snowball: Alright, I just need practice!)

“Jessie then feels her puppies coming-wait, what? When was THAT established?” Steel asked, “Whatever. HUGE plot point...but still, I'd have liked some BUILD UP.”

“So, while Jessie goes into labor, the other animals break into Jones' house, ultimately deciding to leave it as a museum of the past.” Steel continued, “But not before discovering the glories of TELEVISION...which I've long since abandoned along with most of society.”

(Napoleon: Hmmm...keeps them quiet...)

(Squealer: Could be useful...)

“Hmm, I wonder what THIS message could be?” Steel asked, voice filled with sarcasm.

(Napoleon: Let's see how the humans live...(looks over house) They steep themselves in luxury while we live in squalar!)

“I'm DREAMING of the day when I hear Patrick Stewart decide to voice some sort of evil dictator. Seriously, LISTEN to his performance! He's having a BLAST voicing someone this sinister!” Steel said with a wide smile, “The only person I'd prefer over him as Napoleon would be Tony Jay...and the only reason he's out-done by Patrick is because he's dead.”

“Then they arrive at the room where the slaughtering happens and are, naturally, aghast at it.” Steel continued, “Look, even BENJAMIN cries! Oh, right...um, Benjamin's a little harder to pin down than the other symbols in this story. Some say he's the elder Russian population during the revolution, some say he's the Russian Jews, and some say he's even an avatar for George Orwell himself. No one's entirely sure.”

(Squealer backs into a door, which opens up to show the severed head of Old Major.)

“OH NO, HE BACKED INTO THE MORTIFYINGLY INSPIRATIONAL CUPBOARD!” Steel shouted.

“KEEP DOWN THAT RACKET!” came a neighbor's voice as a loaf of bread flew out of nowhere to hit Steel in the face.

“HA! Joke's on you, NOW I can have my lunch!” Steel grinned as he pulled the bread off.

(Intermission...)

“Well, URP.” Steel belched, “That causes them to flee the house just in time to see Snowball has finished painting the Seven Commandments—whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy, whatever goes on four legs or has wings is a friend, no animal shall wear clothes...”

(Sam the Eagle: They are...NAKED!)

“No animal shall sleep in a bed,” Steel continued, “No animal shall drink alcohol...”

(Barney Gumble: What? Two whole weeks with only WINE? I'LL GO CRAZY!)

(Old Major: Or engage in trade.)

“No animal shall kill any other animal,” Steel continued, “And all animals are equal. Oh and, while this is going on, Napoleon's creating his own little secret police pack of dogs. Well, the animals are happy about the new commandments and promises of equality, but their celebration is cut short by Napoleon getting them to work on the harvest. Things go surprisingly smoothly as the animals work the fields together, now on an even level. Boxer proving to be the hardest worker of them all. But not all is well...”

(Jessie: (narrating) While Snowball tried to remain true to Old Major's ideals, Napoleon had different plans...)

“It involved a company baseball team.” Steel imitated, “Seriously, HOW could any of us hold a freakin' bat?!”

“Napoleon swipes Jessie's puppies away just before they've been weaned...okay, kidnapping PUPPIES and turning them into your own task force?” Steel asked, “You're SICK, Napoleon. SICK, SICK, SICK!”

(Snowball: Animals! We are now ready to raise our flag of FREEDOM!)

(Cinema Snob: A muscle-bound ice cream cone with guns.)

“Actually, it's a hoof and horn, basically replacing the Proletariat hammer and sickle.” Steel explained, “Meanwhile, Frederick and Pilkington find Jones passed-out in a bar.”

(Pilkington: There now, I told you we'd find 'im with his neck in a bottle.)

(Spider-Man: Seriously, who's STUPID enough to get that drunk?)

(Frederick: THIS is what happens when you let weak men run farms! On MY farm, there are no weak men!)

“Mostly because I only employ ARYAN men and order all Jews to be terminated!” Steel proclaimed before shouting while giving the Nazi salute, “MY FARM IS GERMANY!”

(Pilkington: The animals are managing better than we expected. We'll have to do something.)

“Okay, I'll work on sending them pamphlets.” Steel sighed, standing up.

“Their solution is listening in via radio equipment.” Steel continued, “Unfortunately, this results in animal noises...not entirely sure what they were expecting, but then again, I'm not a stand-in for anything but myself. Anyway, Snowball gives the animals a lesson and Jessie finds out her puppies are gone, so she confronts Napoleon. Squealer counters.”

(Squealer: If you were thinking clearly, you would be pleased about the special education we're going to give them.)

“They'll be the film makers of tomorrow...BUT THEY'LL ALL BE LIKE TOMMY WISEAU!” Steel shouted, laughing maniacally.

(Squealer: You SURELY don't want to disadvantage your own puppies, do you?)

“I DON'T want to disadvantage them...and don't call me Shirley.” Steel replied.

“Because Jessie's sadness may spread to the other animals, Napoleon orders the TV to be carried into the barn as distraction.” Steel said.

(Snowball: Education is knowledge and knowledge is power!)

(Rat: Yeah, well the knowledge I'D like is who keeps stealin' the milk and the apples!)

“Hold it.” Steel said, pausing the film, “Just a sec. The CGI for the rat is terrible. Moving on.”

“It turns out that the pigs have all the milk and apples, but the ensuing mob is distracted by a TV...though the angle would probably make it as jarring to view as Battlefield Earth.” Steel continued.

(Napoleon: We'll let them calm down, then Squealer can explain.)

(Snowball: Thank you.)

“Afterwards, Squealer explains that the pigs need milk and apples to keep their wits about them to keep up their managing duties and, should they fail, Jones would come back.” Steel said, “I WOULD ask why they're stupid enough to believe this, but then again, most of them have brains the size of a gumball, so I question NOTHING. And, with that out of the way, it's back to their usual programs.”

“Meanwhile, the farmers have deduced that the supposedly random noises are actually a song. Kudos to them for displaying some intelligence.” Steel shrugged, “Apparently, it's spreading...”

(Sheep: (in unison) Four legs good, two legs bad.)

“Okay, the sheep essentially represent conformity.” Steel said, “They're my FAVORITE symbol of the book because they show how dangerous it is to mindlessly repeat things without thinking for yourself.”

“But Lord knows I've never done THAT.” Steel chuckled, nervously, eyes darting from side-to-side.

“Anyway, Pilkington decides to invade Animal Farm with the other farmers.” Steel continued, “However, Snowball saw this coming and began to organize the animals together.”

(Snowball looking through binoculars.)

“You magnificent farmers, I read your book!” Steel shouted, imitating Patton.

“The battle begins, Napoleon being nervous that the plan won't work, but Snowball remaining calm.” Steel continued, “That's probably a reference to the fact that Trotsky was head of the Red Army and that Stalin was ineffectual at leading from a military perspective. Anyway, the battle scene is goofy, but then again, the film treats it as such. So, no real criticism from me. The humans are driven out and all is well...OR IS IT?”

“The animals then begin to build a windmill to produce energy.” Steel continued, “But Napoleon doesn't like this at all.”

(Napoleon: My friends, surely you can see that Snowball's idea for a windmill is a waste of our labor!)

“Strange, that's what my dad said about trying to find Ray when Lunatic trapped him in the bunker...” Steel said.

(Snowball: It is NOT a waste! Once built, it will ease our labors!)

(Napoleon: Our labors must be about feeding ourselves, arming ourselves, securing our border, and defending animalism!)

“When did this turn into a presidential debate?” Steel asked.

(Obama: Yeah, well, you're stupid.
Romney: YOU'RE stupid!)

(Napoleon walks over to Snowball's chart and urinates on it.)

(Snowball: You pig...)

BA-DUM CHING!

“And, at that point, Napoleon orders Jessie's puppies to attack. Turns out their education was actually to turn them into vicious attack dogs.” Steel continued, “Much like Trotsky himself, Snowball is exiled from the place he fought so hard to set free. I'll also have to mention that, in the animated version, it's implied that the dogs killed him...like how Trotsky was assassinated.”

“With that out of the way, Napoleon takes control of Animal Farm and makes Old Major's place his own.” Steel said. He looked ready to continue when...

“I believe it would be best to point out that Napoleon in this version shares the same coloring as Napoleon in the animated version.” Steelock Holmes said, “An allusion to the past? Or merely a coincidence? I...deduce, my readers.”

Steelock then put his bubble pipe into his mouth before playing his violin and promptly vanishing.

“What the heck was that?” Steel asked.

“So, Napoleon declares Snowball a traitor and orders the construction of the windmill, which Squealer insists was actually his idea, but he opposed it in order to force Snowball's hand...or hoof as the case may be.” Steel continued.

(Napoleon: There will be no more meetings, no more endless debates! From now on, a special committee of pigs shall decide all aspects of the farm!)

(Jessie: (narrating) And so began our toil. It was slow, laborious work, and we were watched at all times. It was Boxer's great strength that really made the difference. And each of us played our part.)

(Two fake-looking CGI ducks fly by with a branch in their bills.)

“Like how those ducks' part was to be really fake-looking.” Steel imitated before slapping himself and saying, “Hey! I thought I told myself NOT to expect Avatat-level effects from TV movies!”

“Well, Pilkington and the other farmers are still listening in through the radio equipment and...suddenly, the animals can talk English now.” Steel said, “It's not really explained HOW. They just do. Though, if I missed something, feel free to point it out.”

(Pilkington: If they can TALK, then they can TRADE.)

“I hope they've got that ONE baseball card where the guy's flipping the bird!” Steel said, excitedly.

(Jones: You can't trade with animals.)

“Seriously, they BARELY know how many quarters are in a dollar!” Steel imitated.

(Pilkington: Congratulations. You turned your father's prosprous farm into a debt-ridden pile of rubbish. Clever.)

“He's British!” Shade exclaimed, looking over.

“Where did you come from?” Steel asked.

“Wake up, you miserable yank.” Shade ordered.

Steel sprung up to find that he was half-covered in snow.

“Oh...sorry, must've dozed off.” he said, standing up and shaking the snow off him.

“Back at the barn, Jessie notices something going on in the house...namely, the pigs sleeping in it.” Steel said, “And that's in clear violation of the Seven Commandments. She's spotted by the guard dogs, but they're called off by Squealer, who briefly interrogates Jessie, but she gives nothing away.”

(The commandment of “No animal shall sleep in a bed” has the words “with sheets” added to it.)

“Those clever swine...” Steel growled.

“The next day, Pilkington arrives to trade with Napoleon.” Steel continued, “It turns out that Napoleon barely appears in public, but a statue is built to his honor. Which makes me wonder, how's that statue in MY honor coming?”

(meanwhile...)

Steve sighed as he walked off, “Lunch break.”

He had only finished the pedastal and half the plaque.

(back with Steel...)

(Napoleon: Today marks the beginning of a new direction for us! Animal Farm cannot exist in isolation!)

“So, I've scrapped the plans to put the entire area into some pocket dimension.” Steel imitated.

(Napoleon: To improve our quality of life, to build the windmill, to feed ourselves, we need to trade!)

(Boxer: Didn't Old Major say we must never engage in trade?)

“Eh, Old Major said a LOTTA things.” Steel said, brushing the comment aside.

“Anyway, the pigs mark the spot where Old Major fell and even prop up his skull for honor.” Steel continued, “Read Lord of the Flies much? Pilkington takes some hay and eggs from Napoleon in exchange for whiskey while lying that he wanted nothing to do with the invasion. Jessie tries telling Boxer, Benjamin, and Muriel the Goat about what she saw, but Squealer is there to make them see things his way.”

(Squealer: As you know, we pigs are the brains of the farm and we must have a quiet place to work in...for all your sakes. Surely, you don't want your glorious leader to live in a STYE?)

“No, I'd prefer him living on a plate next to some pancakes!” Steel exclaimed. He waited a few seconds before saying, “What? Bacon's good.”

(Squealer: Of course not. And yes, we DO sleep in beds, but why not? There is no ruling against BEDS. A pile of straw is a bed. Would you rob us of our sleep so that we're too tired to carry out our duties?)

“And, with that, Squealer wins through animal stupidity.” Steel concluded, “Later, Mr. Jones goes back to his old farm and blows up the crudely-made windmill with TNT.”

(Jessie: (narrating) Our windmill was ruined. Our spirits were at their lowest.)

“I've been taking inner-monologue lessons from Batman.” Steel imitated.

“Napoleon uses the tragedy to place MORE blame on Snowball.” Steel continued, “Boxer wakes up bright and early to continue working on the windmill and Squealer pronounces that Beasts of the World is outlawed due to it being obsolete. Instead, Napoleon's replaced it with a song that rubs his ego like a bad web comic. Meanwhile, the animals are finding that they're getting less and less food as Boxer works himself to death.”

“That night, Napoleon visits the farm...which is weird, considering Jessie said he dropped out of the public view. And yet, we see him in public ALL THE TIME.” Steel stated.

(Napoleon: My friends, I have found out that the arch-criminal Snowball has been visiting the farm! Snowball is responsible for our shortage of food, but he must have had HELP. Which of you is in league with him?)

“Fred is!” Steel shouted.

“Napoleon orders the chickens to give up some of their eggs for trade, but they defy him and begin a little civil disobedience.” Steel continued, “Napoleon says that the hens are to be starved and anyone seen giving them food will be killed. Jessie then wakes up in the middle of the night see the hens breaking their eggs and Squealer moving some camera equipment. It turns out that they're using it to produce propaganda films.”

“But now, it's time for EVERY Communist's favorite game!” Steel said in a manner similar to your average gameshow host as he pulled a microphone out of nowhere, “FUN...WITH...GENOCIDE!”

“Yes, you TOO can become a tyrannical dictator of a dystopian society!” Steel said, “All YOU have to do is hunt down and terminate anyone who happens to disagree with you! Doesn't matter if they're justified in saying whatever they happen to be saying, as long as it sends a message, it gets the job done! So, do YOU want to be a dictator? Well, all you need is FUN...WITH...GENOCIDE!”

“Oh and another commandment is changed—No Animal Shall Kill Another Animal has the words 'Without Cause' added to it.” Steel said, “This is a rather obvious symbol of what Stalin's reign was like—using a secret police to root out dissent. This also included forced starvation of a class higher than the proletariats as well as Ukrainians and Georgians...and Stalin himself was Georgian. Isn't it funny how the worst dictators didn't come from the countries they ruled over? Hitler was Austrian, not German. Stalin was Georgian, not Russian. And Pol Pot was Chinese, not Cambodian.”

(Jessie: (narrating) The pigs were behaving more and more like Farmer Jones.)

(Napoleon and Squealer laugh at each other before Napoleon falls over, drunk.)

(Spider-Man: Huh.)

(Batman: What?)

(Spider-Man: Nothing, it's just...I didn't know this place had a basement.)

“Oh and yet ANOTHER command is changed—No Animal Shall Drink Alcohol has 'To Excess' added.” Steel said, “Yeesh, all these changed are making me confused as to what's what...”

“The next day, Squealer and Napoleon are both suffering MASSIVE hangovers.” Steel said, “Later, Boxer's strength gives out and he collapses. Napoleon apparently makes arrangements for Boxer to be taken to the hospital for treatment, BUT...”

(Benjamin: This is wrong!)

(Jessie: What is it?)

(Benjamin: The words on the van!)

(The van has the words “Horse Slaughterer and Glue Boiler”)

(DUH-DUH-DUUUUUUUUH!)

“This is always the saddest part of the story for me—the animals suddenly realize that Boxer's been betrayed, much like how the working class was betrayed by Stalin's rule.” Steel said, “Jessie reveals that she found a nice place to hide at the edge of a forest, where Napoleon probably won't go to look. She vows to save as many animals as she can as we cut to Squealer's equivalent of Pravda.”

(Squealer: Four words. Four words he spoke.)

“THEY'RE KILLING ME, JERKS!” Steel shouted.

(Squealer: “Long live Animal Farm. Long live our beloved leader. Napoleon is always right!” Rumors, some of you are saying that the van that took Boxer away was from the horse slaughterer...)

“And, to those of you who are saying that, you get the Key to the Farm for being some of the few INTELLIGENT animals.” Steel imitated.

(Squealer: Surely, you know our beloved leader better than THAT. The van was from the hospital, but had previously been the property of the slaughterer.)

“This is the last straw as Jessie begins taking as many animals as possible to the safe place.” Steel continued, “Before she gets to that, she looks in on Napoleon doing business with Pilkington and finds what the animals find at the climax of the book—that the humans and pigs look the same. Granted, it's through a window and the image is distorted, but it's still a very powerful piece of symbolism—the animals are back where they started, only in a worse situation. Also, the pivotal line of Old Major's commandments has been changed to a nearly-identical one to the USSR—All Animals Are Equal, But Some Are More Equal Than Others. Jessie takes the animals away as we see a duck singing about how great Napoleon is and we see him wearing human clothes and the bit of symbolism in the book that I think is the most relevent.”

(Animals: (chanting) Four legs good, two legs better! Four legs good, two legs better!)

“Conformity at it's worst.” Steel said.

“Years pass and Napoleon's greed and cruelty bleeds the farm to death.” Steel continued, “He apparently dies from 'his own madness', but maybe the drink had something to do with it. The farm seems to be deserted, but one of Jessie's puppies survived and so our movie ends with a new family buying the farm and showing some new hope.”

“This movie's...okay.” Steel concluded, “It's not great, it's not terrible. It's okay. Considering it's a TV movie, I won't comment on the CGI. However, the puppetry's good, the casting's pretty cool (ESPECIALLY Patrick Stewart as Napoleon), but there's no real subtlety and, honestly, no indication that any time has passed. Ultimately, if you want to watch it, I say 'go for it', but you may want to check out the original novel by George Orwell beforehand.”

“It's a fascinating read, particularly in the area that everything is symbolic.” Steel said, “Everything has a purpose and the movie, at least, TRIES to do it justice. How does it hold up to the original animated movie...well, I think that they're both pretty much the same. But I DO have hope for a new Animal Farm movie because, last year, a NEW adaptation was introduced with Andy Serkis (Gollum himself) directing. Like with A Wrinkle in Time, I'll try to remain optimistic about this one.”

“I'm Tohokari-Steel, this was Outta the DVD, and I've got some family issues to sort out.” Steel said, standing up. He pounded on the door.

“Did you put it away?” came a voice.

“YES, I won't make you watch Citizen Kane.” Steel sighed.

“Well, THAT'S good.” sighed a man as he opened the door, “NEVER threaten me with that movie again.”

“Well, excuse me for wanting to be CULTURED.” Steel said, sarcastically.

“It's okay, I forgive you.” The man laughed.

“Dad, I have a problem.” Steel simply said.

“Well, come on in and tell me about it.” Steel's dad replied.

(TO BE CONTINUED...)

(Beasts of the world, we shall unite
Rise up and ready for the fight
Soon or late, the day will be
When man's defeated and we are free
Soon or late, the day will be
When man's defeated and we are free
Though our lives be full of misery
Our limbs be tired and worn
Our dreams will not be broken
And our hearts will not be torn
Our dreams will not be broken
And our hearts will not be torn)

Pros:
-Pretty good puppetry
-Good casting
-PATRICK STEWART AS NAPOLEON!
-A lot of effort put into it

Cons:
-It's about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face
-No real indication that any time has passed

Final Score: 6/10

Clips Used:
Happy Days Theme Song
Animal Farm (1999)
Nostalgia Critic: FernGully
Nostalgia Critic: FernGully II
Napoleon Dynamite
The Simpsons
The Fellowship of the Ring
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Futurama
The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
The Muppet Show
Kick@$$ia
Marvel/DC: After Hours
Epic Rap Battles of History: Mitt Romney vs. Barack Obama
Beasts of the World

Steel's notes:
-I still can't repeat this enough. PATRICK STEWART AS THE STALIN PIG WAS A STROKE OF GENIUS!

(Snowball: You pig...)
My review of the 1999 adaptation of Animal Farm.

I have an...interesting history with this review. I scheduled Fantastic Four for this week, but I wasn't feeling up to it. So, I announced that I would review the 1954 animated film based on Animal Farm. Then, my friend Xem linked me to the 1999 movie (the video happened to be subtitled in Serbian, so I had a little trouble with it). I then realized that I could crack MORE jokes about that, so I changed it.

Until I have an official, new theme song, I'll just put in a new one every week.

The log is Steel looking rather...surprised to find a pig with a Stalin mustache and waving the Soviet flag.

Next Week's Review: Next Screw Ups (I look into my NEXT list of mistakes with assitance from Cartooniac55.)
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All this symbolism and no Film Brain? For shame...