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September 3, 2011
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Alfred Jones (a.k.a. America) vs. Edward Blake (a.k.a. The Comedian). Two symbols of America going down on each other.

One is an actual EMBODIMENT of the country of America. He's a young, confident, energetic, and very enthusiastic young man. He beat out Britain in order to prove that he's free and he's taken down anyone who's had the IDEA that they can beat him.

Alfred Jones attacks with...
The M1911 Pistol
The Browning Auto-5 Shotgun
The M16 Assault Rifle
And the Bowie Knife

His opponent is a symbol of the dark side that the country of America has potential to be. Edward Blake has been fighting ever since he was a young man. He's INSANE. He does the most horrible things and feels no remorse for it. That adds a new level of danger to it.

Edward Blake counters with...
The SIG Sauer P226 Pistol
The Flamethrower
The M4A1 Carbine
And the Combat Knife

In short-range weapons, we compare Alfred Jones' M1911 to Edward Blake's SIG Sauer P226. I say that the SIG's the more modern weapon. Both are very accurate pistols, but the SIG has more rounds (12 compared to the M1911's 7). Also, there's a REASON why the SIG replaced the M19.

Edge: Edward Blake

For medium-range weapons, we've got America's Browning Auto-5 Shotgun against The Comedian's Flamethrower. The Browning is a nasty shotgun and it stayed around for more than a century, which is pretty dang impressive. However, it's only got five rounds. With the flamethrower, you can sweep through an enemy line and can cause them to panic. The flamethrower gets my edge.

Edge: Edward Blake

For long-range weapons, America's bringing the M16 while the Comedian's bringing the M4A1 Carbine. The M16 has a three-round burst system, which can cause large amounts of damage to one person while the M4 has a full-auto feature. But, here's the deciding factor for me—they're both basically the same gun. The M4's a slightly more updated model, but they're so similar that neither one gets the edge in my book.

Edge: Tie

In special weapons, Alfred Jones has the Bowie Knife while Eddie Blake has the Combat Knife. The Bowie Knife...that's not a knife, that's a small SWORD. It's freakin' HUGE and can be used as an effective throwing weapon. The Combat Knife's a little more precise, but the Bowie Knife is so versatile. That's getting the edge.

Edge: Alfred Jones

Now, for X Factors. I've narrowed it down to four categories: leadership, mental health, physicality, and brutality.

First up, mental health. America's a kid trapped in an adult's body. He's the youngest in the Allied Forces. But this isn't any real form of mental illness. He can make very well-thought-out plans if he can calm down. The Comedian is NUTS. He shot a pregnant woman for attacking him. He can be happily drunk at one point and completely berserk the next. He was FORCED to retire from herowork.

So, in mental health, America gets the edge.

Leadership skills—America is all about leadership...though the other Allies don't take him seriously in that category. The Comedian may be older, but I don't think anyone would want to follow HIM in the lead. So, America gets the edge in leadership.

In brutality, The Comedian obviously gets the edge. America may not be the most subtle of the Hetalia countries, but he's not that over-the-top.

In physicality, Alfred Jones swung a BUFFALO over his head when he was a kid. He is freakin' STRONG. The Comedian maintained physical health throughout his life and continued fighting for the government. It's too close for me. I'm setting it dead even.

Now, the match: Alfred Jones vs. Edward Blake. Each of them will be accompanied by four soldiers. I'm running this through a thousand matches to see which American symbol is deadlier. This is solely opinion-based...


In a small city, Edward Blake (a.k.a. The Comedian) walked through with a flamethrower on his back, a combat knife on his belt, a cigar in his mouth, and four soldiers following him. Not far away, Alfred Jones (a.k.a. America) was observing them through binoculars with an M1911 and Bowie Knife on his belt. He raised his hand and gave the thumbs'-up. Four other soldiers not far away saluted before loading their various weapons.

Comedian: 5

America: 5

America's soldiers rounded the corner just in time to see Comedian's soldiers arriving. They immediately opened-fire with their M16's as Comedian's troops opened-fire with their M4s. One member from each group dropped dead as the others ran off.

Comedian: 4

America: 4

One of America's troops tossed away the M16 in favor of a Browning Auto-5 as he ran for the building America was in. One of Comedian's troops fired at him, but the troop rolled out of the way before firing two shots at the enemy troop. The first two missed, but the third hit him, full-on.

Comedian: 3

The soldier stood up, but then heard an odd sound. He looked over to see Comedian aiming a flamethrower at him and shooting flames. He screamed as he was burned to death by the flames. Comedian walked over and put his cigar on the troop's burning corpse. He took a puff with a laugh.

America: 3

America's two remaining troops entered into their HQ as the Comedian led his troops into the building as well. America's troops fired with their M16s, dropping another of Comedian's soldiers.

Comedian: 2

Comedian put his hand on the barrel of his soldier's M4. He snickered before handing him the SIG Sauer. The soldier gave him an odd look before taking the pistol. He shot at the remaining troop, missing once, but hitting him in the face.

America: 1

The soldier looked overjoyed. He looked at Comedian and laughed in relief. His joy was short-lived when he heard a pistol being loaded. He saw Alfred F. Jones carrying his M1911 before shooting him right between the eyes.

Comedian: 1

America jumped down the stairs before standing upright. Comedian held up the barrel of his flamethrower and pulled the trigger. Fire erupted, but America ran out of the way, firing with his pistol until...CLICK. His gun was out. Comedian laughed out loud as he swept the flamethrower closer to America. However, the flames quickly died down. Comedian looked disappointed as he realized he was out of fuel...oh and the house was on fire. He tossed the empty tank aside before pulling out his combat knife. America grabbed the Bowie knife and pulled it out as well.

The two circled each other in the burning house. America slashed first, to which Comedian dodged, grabbed his arm, and stabbed it. America yelled as he dropped his knife. He drove his fist into Comedian's face, causing him to recoil. America grabbed his Bowie before slashing at Comedian's chest, doing no damage to the Kevlar. Comedian smirked before punching America in the gut and tossing him into the wall. He spun his knife around as he approached America. He raised his knife up, ready to kill.

But he saw America throwing his knife into his throat. It caught in his neck as he gagged. Lacking oxygen as well as being choked by blood and steel, he fell onto the ground. America immediately ran out of the burning building as it collapsed.

Comedian: 0

America raised his hand into the air, extending his thumb and first two fingers before shouting, "I'M THE HERO!"

Winner: Alfred Jones

Out of a thousand battles, we saw Alfred Jones rack up five hundred and twenty-two kills compared to Comedian's four hundred and seventy-eight.

Alfred Jones:
M1911: 34
Browning Auto-8: 180
M16: 268
Bowie Hunter: 40
Kills: 522

Edward Blake:
SIG Sauer: 80
Flamethrower: 90
M4A1: 270
Combat Knife: 30
Kills: 478

Also, Alfred Jones had the edges in X Factors. His mental health and leadership skills were better than Eddie Blake, who only edged America out in brutality.

Alfred Jones: 50
Edward Blake: 50

Mental Health:
Alfred Jones: 72
Edward Blake: 28

Alfred Jones: 39
Edward Blake: 71

Alfred Jones: 68
Edward Blake: 32

Though the Comedian was WAY more brutal, America wasn't as manic and could keep a clear head if he wanted. This was a true battle of American symbols, but it looks like the truer symbol won out.
Alright, this is my first fictional Deadliest Warrior entry. This is primarily an experiment. If there's any problems, don't be afraid to tell me.

Alfred Jones/America from Hetalia: Axis Powers vs. Edward Blake/The Comedian from Watchmen

I wanted to do a battle of symbols of America...this means I had to give Alfred Jones some weaponry he didn't have. I figured he'd have the M-16 (one of America's signature firearms), an M1911 (a traditional American side-arm), a shotgun (an American stereotype: we all have shotguns), and the Bowie knife (it's freakin' HUGE. I think the character would love that weapon). Comedian's was pretty straight-forward.

Up next: Horde vs. Calormenes (Two desert conquerors collide. The Horde form Ted Dekker's Books of History series go mono-e-mono with the Calormenes from C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia.)
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MaxGomora1247 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012
Tohokari-Steel Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012
I take it ya liked it.
MaxGomora1247 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012
Tohokari-Steel Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012
GokuMartin Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012
The ultra-patriotic right-wing Comedian is gonna bow down and kiss the feet of Alfred E. Jones, given that Alfred is the cporeal representation of the United States of America.

No fight.
Tohokari-Steel Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012
Yeah and I doubt Navy SEALs would fight Israeli Commandos either. It's just for FUN.
Master-of-the-Boot Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah! Go Alfred! It's about time somebody brought down Blake a peg or two.
Tohokari-Steel Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011
I like Watchmen (Rorschach and Nite Owl are my favorite characters), but I still think America would own Comedian...mostly because he's NOT a sociopath.
Master-of-the-Boot Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Agreed about Rorschach and Nite Owl. They're both fun in different way.
Tohokari-Steel Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011
Rorschach's got the awesome voice and, ultimately, I think he was the best of them in the end for refusing to make any compromises.

And, out of all of the Watchmen, Nite Owl's the most respectable. He only had ONE flaw, but resolved it.
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